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I think I’m in love.

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Daddy Issues

I would give anything to have a normal relationship with my dad. In a way I really wanna see him. I haven’t seen him in over four years. I’m just so scared to get hurt… Again.

Today is my rapist’s 23rd birthday. Sometimes I hate that I remember stuff like that. Last week, the week ending in the World Cup victory for Spain, was the four year anniversary of what he did to me.

That people respect my boundaries is really, really important to me. Ignoring the “small” things, like once I told a guy I wanted the lights out before my clothes came off, makes me wonder if they will ignore my boundaries when it comes to the “big” things too. So generally I have very low tolerance for any boundary-pushing.

If I’m sleeping with someone fairly regularly and that person is also sleeping with other people condoms are a must at all times. If that person had unprotected sex with someone else I won’t get naked with them ’till they get tested. This is non-negotiable from my side.

A few days ago I was with Bubblegum Boy and we were making out on his couch and he paused two second to say: “This might ruin the mood, but you told me that you wanted to know if I had unprotected sex with someone else.  So I just wanted to let you know that since the last time we met I did have unprotected sex once.”

We didn’t have sex that night. We didn’t get naked that night. We didn’t even go past making out. There was a lot of “gah! I wish we could know if I had anything!” and “argh! I wish we could know if you had anything” and lot’s of being really horny. But he never tried to pressure me, he didn’t even ask if we could do anything just this once.

We were both equally frustrated from he lack of sex but he never once acted like it was my responsibility to keep him from crossing the line. Never once acted like it was my responsibility to get him off cos I’d made him horny. He even apologised and asked if he was being a tease and if I wanted him to stop with the making out and other stuff we were doing.

I asked him if he thought I was being paranoid and he said that he didn’t think so. He thought I was careful and that it would do him good to be more careful too. He told me he would go get tested as soon as he could, and we scheduled meeting up next weekend.

That is how you are supposed to act when it comes to boundarie

About a month ago or so I was in Gothenburg and a few of my friends had planned a mini road trip to go there. Since I was there we planned to meet up. They ended up in another town instead (which isn’t even on the way to Gothenburg from where they started) and promised me a “sorry we didn’t come to Gothenburg”-party for me. That party was last night and it was AWESOME!  I had sooo much fun!

Also, one of the guys who was supposed to come to Gothenburg but didn’t brought mead. Real mead. The stuff you brew from honey. I love it! It tasted really good!

Blueberry Pie!

Since Raven found out I’m good at baking pies we’ve been planning for me to bake him pie someday. That day turned out to be today :) He made me lunch and I baked a blueberry pie ^^ And then we watched NCIS. I’m so glad that I met that guy. In the ten months or so that I’ve known him he’s become one of my best friends.

A guy who used to hang in the same circles as I did a few years ago and and me recently started talking again. The guy is almost fire years younger than me and he pretty much just told me that he is interested in me. What the hell do I do?