Category: Rape Apologists

I never really liked the girl my ex was dating from what I could see. She seemed like a total bitch. At first I thought it was mostly in my head cos she was dating my ex… Then I saw some comments she made on a friend of mines blog… Something about how rape victims just need to get over it and get on with their lives. When called out on it she said that she was a victim herself but had gotten on with her life. From there on I thought that she must be nice in person cos why would he date her if she was a total bitch?

Last night she pretty much dumped him over MSN. She said that he was mean and cold and boring and not spontaneous  some other stuff… I saw his facebook status. She had commented on it saying something like “you know you’re not spontaneous and you never joke or show feelings.. what are you whining about?”

Daisy had also commented something about how she didn’t agree and thought he was a funny and stuff. Then this girl he’d been dating commented again saying “no, he is very cold and boring!” When Daisy asked why she was saying that this girl left  comment saying that he was never showing his feelings, and never joked and how he was just spinning things to make her look bad.

Yeah, I don’t feel like a jealous ex for being pissed at her anymore.


I’m back from school. Today consisted of two two.hour-lessons one after the other. So basically a four hour lesson. Then I found some of my “kids”, among them Raven. I ended spending four more hours alternating between studying, helping Raven and one more of my “kids” with their school-work and just talking. We had a pretty good discussion on rape and the legal aspect of the rape laws in Sweden.

When it comes to rape and other sex crimes I like Raven’s opinions and thoughts. How often do you hear a guy talking about how society is pretty patriarchal and that the only ones who can stop rape is other men? Usually when I discuss rape and stuff like that and it’s me and two guys those two will “gang up” on me. Today it was me and Raven “ganging up” on the other guy xD

The other guy said something about how people make it about gender when the criminals are individuals or something like that… Both me and Raven said that rape is more than just the individual crimes committed by individual rapists against individual victims. It’s bigger than that. It’s how this society is formed.

I so have a crush on Raven xD

There is a prosecutor who works in Stockholm. Last weekend he said that “If you take a man and a woman who know each other and the woman says she doesn’t feel like it today and the man goes on anyway. Sure, it’s not very nice but not worth two years in prison”*

This he said in an interview with one of Sweden’s biggest newspapers, Svenska Dagbladet. He also said in a debate article last Wednesday that “Not having intercourse with someone against their will is an excellent social rule, but it fits more in a book on etiquette than in a law book.”**

So according to him my rapist was just “not very nice”. According to him my rapist was just a bit of a jerk, but not a criminal. More of the “is it really worth ruining the poor boy’s life over something like this”.

Thankfully his boss has some common sense so this idiot, Rolf Hillegren, is no longer allowed to have anything to do with with this kind of crime again.

*My translation. “Om man tar en man och en kvinna som känner varandraoch kvinnan säger att hon inte har lust idag, men mannen kör ändå. Visst är det oschysst, men inte värt två års fängelse. Det liknar mer en ordningsförseelse.” Two years is the minimum sentence for rape in Sweden.

**”Att inte ha samlag mot någons vilja är en utmärkt umgängesregel som dock passar bättre i etikettböcker än i lagböcker.”

A 47 year old man was accused of raping a five year old girl at least twicel. Guess what his defence was? Not only was it consensual, but she had initiated the secual contact!

Thankfully the judge didn’t buy it and sentenced him to four years in prison for statuatory rape. This is Sweden so four years is a pretty hard sentence. That’s what the instigator to a brutal gang rape got a few years back. (Here people can get ten years for murder)

The prosecutor said they probably had enough to convict him on rape, but didn’t want to take the chanse since there was no violence involved.

This thread over at Scarleteen made me think a bit. I wonder what the best way to deal with rape-apologists would be. I tend to deal with rape apologists by getting mad… Not sure if that’s a good way or not.

When I get comments from people excusing some kinds of rape I don’t let that comment through my moderation queue. If the comment is short and ignorant and clearly just out to get me mad I just delete it and forget about it. If the commenter is ignorant and thinks they are helping me I tend to write a long rambling post in reply to tell them exactly why they are wrong.

How do you deal with those idiots?

Marcella at abyss2hope wrote: “Being raped by those who seem like decent human beings can make recovery more difficult because those rape victims lose their sense that other decent people can be relied upon to act like decent people. This is magnified by every person who denies or minimizes rape under these circumstances or who focuses most of their criticism on the rape victim.”

So true. Right now, the only guys I trust not to rape me are my brother, and the three guys who have proven to me that they will stop if I ask them to. Who have proved that they won’t go on unless I also want to. Who have proven to me that they won’t do anything I don’t want them to do.

How hard can it be? If a drunk nineteen year old who just graduated from high school, who shared a bed with a drunk half-naked girl can stop at a non-verbal no… Seriously, then anyone can!

With the rapist only three clicks away on facebook I’ve started thinking about contacting him… I know it’s not a good idea, but I really want to know just what the heck he was thinking that week when i visited. What made him think that what he was doing was ok? What rationalisations did he make? Was it that I didn’t physically fight back? That I slept in the same bed as him? That I was drunk? That I was sad and needed “comforting”? What made him think that raping me was ok?

If I contact him, it would probably just make me feel worse… Maybe his good side will shine through and make me feel bad about being mad at him. Maybe he’ll be as abusive as that week I spent with him and blame me for being hurt. Maybe he won’t even care… I just don’t know.

With him being three clicks away from me, that makes me three clicks away from him. What if he contacs me? In one way that would be the easiest. That way I can maybe get my questions answered without actually contacting him…

Either way, I’m soooo looking forward to the day I get over him!