Category: Love


Movie

I’m going to see the new Alice in Wonderland movie with my mum :) Not really a big surprise that she wants to see it. My mum loves the book, she loves Tim Burton and Johnny Depp ^^ I’m really looking forward to seeing this movie :D

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What do I want with my ex? I’m not completely sure… I know I love him. I know that I am in love with him. I know he loves me, but he is in love with someone else. And I wish he wasn’t. Hearing him talk about her hurts. I’m used to it being me he talked about that way. You know how people who are in love sound when they talk about the person they’re in love with… And I hate myself for being jealous.

I don’t want to be that person… That person who is head over heels for someone who doesn’t feel the same way. That person who is still crazy about her ex. That person who calls her ex, in the middle of the night, crying her eyes out cos she’s still in love with him. Makes me feel pathetic and like some psycho stalker ex.

I don’t know what exactly it is I want. I don’t really want to be part of a we… I just want to be with him. No labels, no rules… I don’t want to go back to how it was, I want something simple where the only thing that matters is that we care about each other.

I don’t know what I want, but I know what I can’t handle. I can’t handle being friends when I’m still in love with him. I can’t handle hearing him talk about her. I can’t handle thinking about him sleeping with her. I can’t handle the pain every time I think about him. And I highly doubt I can handle seeing him with her.

Most of the time it’s not that hard to handle the break-up. Cos we’re still friends and stuff… Then all the drama in my life gets too much and the sense of safety he gave me isn’t there anymore and then I just break down and wish we’d never broken up. The fact that we didn’t break up cos we fell out of love gets a lot harder to deal with.  He is still the same person I fell in love with… And I miss him… It’s all the little things that makes it hard to deal with the break up. No more cute texts just because. No more random call in the middle of the day just to ask how I was doing. No more small random gifts. No more emotional safety net.

I miss him so much it hurts…

GAH!

I’m so not over my ex >< I have to remind myself of all the reasons we broke up and all the reasons why I don’t want a relationship to not break down and beg him to take me back…

Most of the time I want to know everything. I’m way to curious for my own good. But that it would be very easy for me to break up my ex and the girl he’s dating if I tried is not among the information I actually want. I’m not gonna try and break them up, that’s for sure.

Moving On

My ex is pretty much together with a new girl. I’m really happy for him :) He isn’t the kind of person that likes to be single really… I’m also happy that he is still part of my life. I still love him and probably always will. I might be just a bit jealous, but not enough to do anything stupid. And not enough to not be happy for him.

Today would’ve been our third anniversary had we not stopped dating sometimes in August. Sometimes I wish it had worked out better… For most of the time together I was really happy. Sometimes I think about going back, but I know that would never work out. Sooner or later I’d feel trapped and want out again.

Sometimes it’s like I only remember all the good parts of our time together. When it’s like that I really wanna go back. Then I remember all the stuff that never would’ve happened if I hadn’t been single and realise I don’t really wanna go back to something monogamous I just want him.