Category: IM

Paul says (11:54):
the thing is i like you.. and i was only with you till this weekend when i gave up the thought that you were gonna be only with me
but.. it doesn’t matter if i’m with other people, it’s still hard hearing about how you see other guys
guess you could call it jelousy

Mortality says (11:55):
i didn’t have sex with anyone else ’till i got those texts actually
Paul says (11:55):
feels too late to be “just friends”
Mortality says (11:55):
Paul says (11:56):
was it because of the texts or would you have anyway?
Mortality says (11:56):
i don’t know
Paul says (11:56):
Mortality says (11:56):
i’ve m made out with other people tho
Paul says (11:57):
but that doesn’t bother me
it’s a difference sleeping [as in sleeping not sex] with other guys

Mortality says (11:57):
just sleeping as in sleeping doesn’t mean sex in my world
Paul says (11:57):
it does in mine
Mortality says (11:58):
just cos i’ve spent the night with a guy friend doesn’t mean i’ve has sex with them
Paul says (11:58):
no, but it’s on the same level anyway
with or without sex, not that big of a difference

Mortality says (11:58):
to me it is
i have to many guy friends

Paul says (11:59):
nah >,<
but you don’t have to share a bed with them
i don’t share a bed with my guy friends
your guy friends aren’t just friends to you, they are a way to not be alone and a way to suck out closeness/love from them

Mortality says (12:00):
a lot of them are nothing more than friends
Paul says (12:00):
been there done that.. and i have a lot of friends who do the same
Mortality says (12:00):
i just happen to like hugs and cuddling
Paul says (12:00):
that’s what i meant..
“hugs and cuddling”

Mortality says (12:00):
that means i like hugs, nothing more!
Paul says (12:01):
others call it “slutty” i call it a constant need of closeness.. you dull the loneliness with a lot of different guys you like to “cuddle with” and i smoke weed or get drunk instead… same same
Mortality says (12:01):
you know what?
i think it’s a good idea not to see each other anymore

Paul says (12:01):
Paul says (12:02):
delete from msn too?
Mortality says (12:02):
do that.. don’t think i want to talk to you again anyway… i just end up getting hurt
Paul says (12:02):
take care..

And that is the last we said before deleting and blocking each other from our msn lists.

Text conversation between me and Paul last night:
Paul: Come over and sleep?
Me: I’m with a friend.. Rain check?
Paul: Fu
Me: …
Paul: I’m sleeping with another girl instead. At least!
Me: be my guest
Paul: Stop bothering me, I’m fucking

It should surprise no one that I wasn’t very happy with those texts. A few minutes ago Paul got online on msn and IMed me.

Paul: Hey babe!
Me: hi
Paul: How are you?
Me: Fine
Paul: nice
Paul: what have you been up to this weekend?
Me: movie night friday, seeing friends on saturday
Paul: ok
Paul: sounds nice
Me: you?
Paul: Partied hard
Paul: Friday preparty at my place and then clubbing, saturday my uncle’s 50th
Me: k
Paul: You’re really short with me today
Me: maybe
Paul: why??
Paul: Annoyed with me? :o
Me: maybe a bit
Paul: Why?
Me: might just overreact
Paul: maybe.. but what was there to overreact about?
Me: how drunk were you yesterday?
Paul: enough
Paul: but how would you’ve noticed that?
Me: check your outbox in your cell
Paul: oh
Paul: oops
Paul: why would I write that?!?

So he basically didn’t even remember… And now I don’t know what to do…

I’m starting to question pretty much every choice I’ve made the past two months… Everything I’ve chosen! And I hate it! Bloody hell! Why does everything have to be so hard!?!? Why can’t I just be happy with the way things are, or at the very least know what’s wrong so I can do something about it?

I need to get back in counselling but I won’t find a counsellor that will work for me. It’s too ingrained to pretend to be fine for me to open up so someone who isn’t a friend. And my friends can’t deal with it. They aren’t educated counsellors, all they can do is give me a hug or send one on MSN. Bloody hell!

For some reason capital letters, punctuation and proper spelling goes right out the window when I talk to this guy… This is a guy I used to have a huge crush on a while ago, and sometimes talk to.

former crush says:
and here i thought you had a childhood crush on me
Mortality says:
had as in past tense
former crush says:
former crush says:
now ur soo mean

Continue reading

I feel like I’m bordering on cheating, like I’m doing something wrong. I need to talk to boyfriend before I post any lengthier explanations here, I don’t want him reading stuff here before I’ve talked to him. It’s not really a big deal in a way and a huge deal in another way.

Feel free to speculate though.

A couple of years ago I used to play this MMORPG and I met a lot of people through it. Some of them I’m still keep in touch with. This online “friend” was very in “love” with me and madly jealous of boyfriend. Now he’s pretty much ignored me for the past six months so when he IMed me I was a bit surprised.

[20:29:04] The online “friend”:
[20:29:14] -Mortality says:
[20:29:28] The online “friend”:
hows u
[20:29:38] -Mortality says:
im ok^^ u?
[20:29:57] The online “friend”:
im no worse than usual

[Some more chi-chat about school and stuff]

[Here I’m wondering if he got over his crush on me, and I really hope he has.]

Continue reading

Ok…? #2

Another dude started IMing me tonight. Where do these people find me?

[21:16:57] solomon35 says: hi
[21:17:31] solomon35 says: am suleman
[21:17:32] [Mortality] says: hi
[21:17:38] [Mortality] says: do I know you?
[21:17:46] solomon35 says: no
[21:17:55] solomon35 says: but do u mind to
[21:18:23] [Mortality] says: mind what?
[21:18:43] solomon35 says: introduce myself
[21:19:38] solomon35 says: we could be friends if u interested
[21:19:50] [Mortality] says: ok…?
[21:19:56] [Mortality] says: how’d you find me?
[21:20:13] solomon35 says: hope not bothering u
[21:21:41] [Mortality] says: not really…
[21:22:23] solomon35 says: thanks
[21:22:42] solomon35 says: i will put my picture to see it
[21:23:07] [Mortality] says: ok
[21:23:56] solomon35 says: hve u see it
[He changed his avatar to a picture of what he said was him.]
[21:24:06] [Mortality] says: yeah..
[21:24:12] solomon35 says: ok
[21:24:48] solomon35 says: u look so beautiful
[21:24:59] [Mortality] says: thanks..
[21:25:14] solomon35 says: but  i do not know ur name yet
[21:25:18] solomon35 says: !!
[21:25:21] [Mortality] says: [Mortality]
[21:25:36] solomon35 says: nice to meet u [mortality]
[21:26:00] [Mortality] says: nice to meet you too
[21:26:07] solomon35 says: thanks
[21:26:38] solomon35 says: i wil tell u a little about myself!
[21:27:07] [Mortality] says: ok
[21:27:57] solomon35 says: am half caste father is ethiopian and mother is eygption
[21:28:07] solomon35 says: am 35 years old
[21:28:13] [Mortality] says: I’m half swedish and half danish
[21:28:32] solomon35 says: oh reall
[21:28:34] solomon35 says: !!
[21:29:21] solomon35 says: am living in gulf countries qatar
[21:29:35] [Mortality] says: ok
[21:29:44] solomon35 says: working as shipping operation supervisor
[21:30:21] [Mortality] says: im still in school
[21:30:44] solomon35 says: still looking for my sule* mate
[21:30:51] [Mortality] says: ok…?
[21:31:06] solomon35 says: u still in school
[21:31:08] solomon35 says: !!
[21:31:13] [Mortality] says: yeah..
[21:31:23] solomon35 says: god bless u
[21:31:33] [Mortality] says: ok…?
[21:31:53] solomon35 says: which collage u r
[21:32:19] [Mortality] says: high school
[21:33:19] solomon35 says: ok
[21:34:04] solomon35 says: i think am so old man
[21:34:23] solomon35 says: i pass high school so ong back
[21:35:39] [Mortality]says: ok…
[21:35:51] solomon35 says: am sorry if i introduce myself without any presention
[21:36:14] solomon35 says: but really u r polite and pretty young lady
[21:36:33] solomon35 says: am pleased to know u
[21:36:44] solomon35 says: thanks again
[21:37:04] solomon35 says: hope we could talk again if there is achance
[21:37:39] solomon35 says: pls accept this small gift
[21:38:01] [Mortality] says: huh?
[21:38:30] solomon35 sent file “45810161-60541909.gif” to members of this chat
[The .gif image was a pink, sparkly thing spelling out “beautiful”]
[21:42:21] solomon35 says: see u
[21:42:23] solomon35 says: bye

Seriously, I don’t know how to deal with the dudes IMing me and not trying to get me to send them naked pictures of me…

*I’m guessing me meant soul mate xD