Category: About Rape


I haven’t written anything¬† in forever… I discovered my third year studying law was busier than I’d expected. Add to that my involvement in the Social Committee and that I’m thinking about joining another one and that I might get into a long distance relationship.

I’m seeing Bubblegum Boy tonight and we’re gonna talk about what we want. I’m actually a bit nervous about it.

Also, I’ve been having some trouble with flashbacks and stuff that I’m not sure are memories or a bad dream. I wrote about the night after my huge exam last December. Over the summer some memories has resurfaced. I’m not completely sure that Frog really did keep his hands off me. I have vague memories of something happening but I’m not sure if it’s really memories or something else. And I don’t want to talk to him ever again after what he did. So I’m at a loss what to do.

I’ve also started keeping a diary again. In a notebook. I’ve filled a third of the notebook in about a month. I’ve had a lot of thinking to do…Mostly about Bubblegum Boy. I’m not completely sure what I wanna do with us. He told me he knows what he wants but didn’t wanna talk about it over the phone.

Kyle moved to Italy for an exchange year and I’m actually missing him.

I spent the majority of the summer with two friends who don’t have names on this blog. Both of them deserve a post of their own though.

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Memories

Today is my rapist’s 23rd birthday. Sometimes I hate that I remember stuff like that. Last week, the week ending in the World Cup victory for Spain, was the four year anniversary of what he did to me.

Sometimes I love the Media

There was a case where a 19 year old man raped an 11 year old girl. His defence was partly that she was his girlfriend and partly that he though she was 13 and partly that he didn’t know that it was illegal for him to have sex with people under 15. The court found him guilty of statutory rape*.

The news article where I found out about this case had “19 year old rapes 11 year old ‘girlfriend'”. I hate that the girl had to go through this stuff but I love that both the media and the court took this serious enough to label it for what it was and sentence him to a fairly long time in prison**.

*In Sweden rape and statutory rape carry the same sentences and if you can charge someone with statutory rape you should do that in stead of regular rape. So this is not a case of “it was really consensual she was just too young to consent”.

**Compared to how rape-cases and other criminal cases normally get sentenced in Sweden at least.

Triggers

I hate when the TV-shows I watch contain rape-scenes. In the latest episode of Numb3rs there was a really horrible scene… The episode was about four boys who’d been abused by a teacher in 1985. Then when the abused got out of jail his victims had attacked him and raped him with a baseball bat. I wish I hadn’t watched it.

I hope I’ll be able to sleep tonight.

I’ve been reading through a lot of my old posts from November and December of 2007. That’s when I’d just stopped sugar coating my rape and started calling it what it was. I’m so much better now. Most of the times it doesn’t really affect me :) Once in a while I’ll still get panic attacks, but I can’t even remember when I last had a flashback :)

I read through some of the comments on those posts and I get all warm and fuzzy inside. It’s funny how much a few sentences from some random internet people can affect me ^^ People I’ve never met and probably never will meet. People who are anonymous. Always makes me happy when people show that they care enough to leave a comment :)

I’ve come a loooong way since then ^^

Where it all Happened

I was clicking around on Google Maps the other day and thought I’d search for the address where my ex best friend lived. The one who raped me. So this is where it happened. I don’t even know why I’m posting this…

First Time

If you think that you lose your virginity the first time you willingly have intercourse I lost my virginity three years and a day ago xD (Prior to that I’d had oral sex and been raped…)