I used to think I was ugly… And when people compimented me, I’d think they were lying and making fun of me. I’d hide in too big clothes and a lot of black make-up around my eyes. I’d stay silent in the classroom, unless I had a temper tantrum. I’d get mad at people when I was mostly mad at myself. I really hated myself back then…

I didn’t eat properly and I hurt myself. Once I even tried to kill myself.

Then I started High School (The Swedish equivalent, grades 10-12) at sixteen. My new class was a bunch of mismatched people, none of us knew each other, and pretty much everyone had friends in commom. We ended up becoming friends all of us… Some I’m still friends with, like Ria, Nympho, Lina… And a couple of more I haven’t written about here much. They told me I was gorgeous and had a lot of fun dressing me up in clothes they deemed appropriate for parties.

I’m still not sure if the reaction from people when I turned up in school with a knee-lenght skirt was cos I looked good in it or cos they were so unused to seeing me dressed like that. Around this time I stopped feeling ugly, but I could still not call myself pretty.

I dropped out and re-did the first year at another programme (changed from IB to a programme with a lot of physics, maths and computer-classes). I’d known Bite Me from before, but now we were classmates too! I got to know Bubblegum Boy, and even though we didn’t become good friends until after graduation cos as he said he’d “feel bad about using me for helping him with school work” if we were proper friends :P They were nice to me, didn’t hit on me, and I figured out that I was pretty smart after all… I’m not sure how those two would’ve managed High School without me :P

Then I turned 18, I started clubbing, I met (ex)boyfriend and all that stuff (all this I’ve written extensively about in the 1½ years I’ve had this blog)… I figured out that even if I could not see myself as pretty a lot of other people did. I met Tony, Daisy, Angel, Ryan and a lot of other people. I felt like part of the group. I started to feel ok with not hiding myself. I was still a long way from feeling comfortable in my own skin, but I was on the way.

Then a few weeks ago, I felt like I needed to update my profile picture on a website, the one I had was really old… So I took a couple of pictures… And they turned out good. I looked at them, and in the mirror and was surprised. The girl in the mirror was pretty!

The girl in the mirror was me… And I’m finally starting to feel comfortable in my own skin.