I don’t like how so many of the people I used to count as friends aren’t part of my life any more. With some of them I feel like it was good ridance, but some of the people I really miss… We might not have anything in common any more, but I’d like to know for sure and not just assume.

There is this site where you can post your profile and look at other peoples’ profiles. It’s not as networking-y as facebook, but I sometimes find old friends. Today I stumbled upon my old crushe’s site. He looks pretty much the same… I’ve changed a lot in the 3½ years since we met… but I guess there is a bigger change between sixteen and twenty than between twenty-six and almost thirty.

We still talk sometimes… The conversations can be half-flirty, but not even close to the way things were when I was crushing on him. I know he never liked me the way I liked him, and it doesn’t even bother me. He was what I needed at that point in life.

When I met him I was just starting to recover from the bullying. If self esteem had a numerical value mine would’ve been negative. I saw myself as worthless and ugly. I had major trust issues and I felt abandoned. He called me beautiful and I didn’t believe him. We used to e-mail a lot and I used him a bit like I use this blog today. Just to vent… and he replied! He actually read all my ramblind e-mails with faulty spelling and grammar.

And that was exactly what I needed. So even if he had no idea that he helped me regain some semblance of a self esteem, I will always be happy that I met him then and there. He was also the first person I met that I would actually have wanted to kiss.

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