After a lecture last Friday I started talking to someone else who takes the same class. She asked why I wanted to study law and I told her it’s cos I wanna do something to help rape survivors. So we started talking about rape… She told me she’d worked as a journalist and had talked to a guy accused of rape.

“It was a kinda grey case, it had started out consensual and then the girl had changed her mind or something. Does that really count as rape?” she asked me, by her tone I could tell she wanted me to tell her it wasn’t as bad as “real rape”.

I just looked at her. Was she serious?

“Duh…” I said. “Of course it’s as bad. She said no he didn’t stop then it’s rape and he deserved prison time. If he can’t figure out how to stop when she asks him to, how can it not be rape?”

“I didn’t really think about it that way…”

Obviously she didn’t. That’s the problem with all those who minimise certain types of rape. They don’t think. Or if they think it’s along the “But he’s a nice guy, it’s not that bad and I bet she was just a slut asking for it anyway”.

It’s still rape if you know the rapist. It’s still rape if you’ve slept with the rapist before. It’s still rape if you’re married to the rapist. It’s still rape if you start out saying yes and then change your mind. Anything before a yes and after a no is rape. Easy as that.

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