I would appreciate if boyfriend wouldn’t read this ’till I say it’s ok. Right now I don’t want him to read this. So the whole post will be after the jump.

Yesterday I met my mum and aunt. But since they both needed to sleep I had a couple of hours between leaving them and going to work. So what would I do the four hours before work started? I didn’t know.

Then I bumped into a couple of acquaintances. So I tagged along. Met their friends and stuff… Until they decided to go to a club I was too young to get into. You had to be twenty-three there and I’m “only” nineteen. One of the guys I kinda know (he’s a regular at the same place as me) wasn’t going either. He had to get up in the morning or something like that… I honestly can’t remember.

He’s try to kiss me several times. I didn’t want to kiss him and he asked me why.

“Isn’t that I don’t want to reason enough?” I asked him.

“No, you are too pretty,” he said.

“So, cos I’m pretty I don’t have the right to say no, or what?” I asked him. I was annoyed…

He didn’t listen to my no, he kept nagging and trying to kiss me. In the end I gave in. I didn’t know what to do. How to get away from him…. I felt so stupid. Why should I be afraid of hurting his feelings when he obviously didn’t give a damn about my feelings? Or me as a autonomous person?

He wasn’t happy with kissing or making out, he was always trying to push me further, and crossed one line after the other. I stopped him several times, but it didn’t last. He always tried again, and again, and again. Every time I stopped him, he’s apologise. Since he didn’t stop for good I can’t say those apologies were sincere. They were just another way to get me to do what he wanted.

I’m upset, hurt and ashamed of myself. Why didn’t I just walk away?

Anyway, what do I call this? He made me make out with him, tried to get his hands in my pants (didn’t succeed), tried to get my hands in his pants (also didn’t succeed), masturbated in front of me… So what do I call it?

I don’t want to think about it, I just want to forget it. I just needed to write about it… Why can’t I stop thinking about it? I should be happy, I got into my first choice University.

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