I miss (ex)boyfriend terribly, but I’m still not sure we would work out. I know I love him and I know he loves me, but I’ve been such an idiot… I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to forgive myself, and if I can’t do that a getting back together with him won’t work. I’ll feel indebted to him.

I hate myself right now. I’ve done two of the things I really hate people doing. I’ve cheated and I’ve broken up with someone only to regret it. I wish I’d never cheated, even thought I can’t really regret the sex, I really, really, really regret cheating.

The day we broke up was probably the worst day in my life. I was worse than breaking up the last time, worse than “losing” my father, worse than being raped, worse than realising I had been raped, worse than anyhting I can think of… God it hurts. It hurts so bad I’m doing stupid things… God I’m such an idiot!