It’s way to easy to guilt trip me. You don’t even have to do anything, I’ll guilt trip myself. Like boyfriend joking about me “abandoning” him to go clubbing. Like someone I know asking for this address, I’ll feel really bad for not giving it to them… Or someone asking from here asking for the URL to my un-anonymous blog. I felt bad for not letting them have it.

This is one of the reasons why I was raped. I don’t think he’d’ve done anything if I’d physically been fighting him. I felt like I had to make him happy, even at the cost of my own mental health and happiness. That is why it took me so long to accurately name the experience. That’s why I don’t think I’ll ever confront him or tell his family.