For a long time it felt like it was all my fault, like I was to blame for the rape. And since I felt like it was my fault I couldn’t call it rape. I couldn’t call something rape if I’d say yes, right? Cos I did technically say yes, but why I did that wasn’t cos I wanted to sleep with him.

I had said no before, to other things. When he wanted me to blow him I said no, but he didn’t listen. He told me I was silly and needed to grow up. So when he wanted more I felt like I couldn’t say no, like it wouldn’t matter if I said no… So I said yes even if that was the last thing I wanted.

I felt like it was my fault. I’d stayed even when he was just being a jerk, even when he was just mean all the time. It was like I deserved it… Like I provoked him or something.

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