I hate eating disorders, specially my own. It’s getting worse again, I find myself skipping meals and not feeling hunger. Not as bad as it used to be, not worse than what could be called normal when under stress… But for me it’s really bad. I need to stop skipping meals.

At least I’m not back to hurting myself… I was really close the other night >.< It hurt so bad and that lighter was lying there tempting me. I ended up throwing it across the room…

I really hope that I’m not going back to hurting and starving myself, I really hope it’s “just” the stress and stuff connected to what happened last summer. Cos it is really stressing when you can’t stop thinking about it even if you’re in the middle of a final.

There was a discussion on shaved heads today in my maths lesson. I nearly panicked >.< He used to shave his head when we were younger. He only really let his hair grow back after he was sixteen or so…

Sometimes passing notes can remind me of him. Nadia, him and me used to have three-way conversations in school when we were kids. Talking about Nadia, I got a text from her about what I told her. I still makes me happy that she believed me, without any other evidence, when all three of us used to be so good friends… I makes me pissed off that her believing me makes me so happy. Why shouldn’t she believe me? I don’t think I’ve ever lied to her in my life, we’re almost as sisters! I was so scared she wouldn’t believe me..

I’m going to spend some time with her tomorrow ^^ Haven’t really talked to her since I told her some of what happened.

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