The first month or so after the rape I coped by saying that I’d had sex for the fist time and it hadn’t been very good. So I didn’t see it as rape, just a bad sex.

After a while I started seeing it as bad sex where I hadn’t really wanted it. I still didn’t call it rape since he hadn’t physically forced me and I hadn’t really said no.

Some time after I’d had that one night stand I saw the difference between sex I wanted and sex I didn’t want. So if asked I said I’d been pressured to have sex when I hadn’t wanted it. I still couldn’t call it rape.

I didn’t start calling it rape ’till I got the reply to my question over at Scarleteen. When someone else, with a lot of knowledge in that field, called it rape… I tried to look at it as if a friend had told me it had happened to her. That was when I saw it as rape the first time. Had it happened to anyone but me I’d’ve seen it as rape from the very start.