I’m definitely not Ok, despite trying to pretend.

I just feel so alone. I don’t know anyone who’s been through the same with an asshole parent as me. I know people who’ve been through worse and have other issues with their parents, but no one who’s been through something even remotely like this shit.

And, I know this might sound emo and teen angsty, but no one can fully understand how I feel about this. Some people can understand parts of it, but ’till I find someone who’s been through something similar there is no one. I am able to talk about parts of it as well, but not all of it. So I can’t make people understand exactly how I feel either…

I need to talk to someone about it, yet I can’t. I can’t put words to this feelings and I have no idea where to even look for the right words. I don’t know what to do about it. I just want to feel better and not think about him.

I can go and be all angry about a post I read about virginity where it more or less said that girls can expect the first time to hurt like hell and bleed. Do I really care about the misinformed poor girls who will hurt and bleed? To be honest, not right now. I am might seem pissed that the blogger deleted my comment where I told her she was wrong and linked to a better site.

But I don’t really care! That’s the worst. When I get sad enought, sooner or later the numbness kicks in and then I don’t seem to remember that I actually have emotions.

I don’t want go emotionally numb, but I can feel it coming… First the tears, then the numbness…..