I have a lot of friends and a few close friends. I find it pretty hard getting really close with people. I’m still not completely sure that people actually care for me. I know I care, I’ve been told numerous times that I care too much. I just can’t help it. If someone else is sad I can actually feel it sometimes. When people I care about fight each other I get physically sick.

So why can’t I be sure that people actually care? Cos it’s only emotions that I sense, not feelings. If a guy likes me, I’ll be the last to notice. I usually won’t even notice ’till the guy himself actually tells me.
Why can’t I just trust people when they say they care!?

I wanted to write something about the few people I’d mostly trust.

Nadia, childhood friend and the closest thing I’ll ever get to a sister. I grew up with this girl and even if we don’t see each other for weeks, when we see each others it doesn’t feel like it’s been ages. I don’t tell her everything that goes on in my life, but that’s the same reason I don’t tell my brother or mother. She feels like family to me. And her kids are the closest to nephews I’ll get ’till my brother decides to reproduce.

Bite Me, class mate and one of my dearest friends. I’m not sure what I’d do without him either. He is one of those who’ll tease me mercilessly but if I’m actually sad about something he’ll offer a shoulder to cry against and a hug. And that’s usually all I need when I’m sad.

Lynette, girlfriend of a friend, but turned out to be my friend too. She isn’t close to me geographically, but she is still one of the people I mostly trust.

Dev, he’s such a perv, but once you learn to ignore it he’s a really good friend. Last time I really cried he was there. Even if it was only on MSN I’m really grateful for it. He didn’t do much more than try reassuring me that people actually do care about me.

Risika, I don’t know how I came to trust her even a bit. I just did. From the things I’ve read in her blog she’s seems to be where I was emotionally about a year or two ago. She noticed I was really in love with boyfriend before I did. She is one of the people that helped me cope when I stopped talking to my dad.

Bob, has about the same humor as Dev and is most likely a nymphomaniac. She was close to double digits of sex partners when I was still a virgin. She is three years younger than me but we act about the same age most of the time. She is really nice and helped me cope when I stopped talking to my dad last year.

There are a few friends that would’ve gone on that list had it not been for them NEVER calling. If I like talking to someone and they like talking to me too, how come it’s only me calling? How come they don’t seem to know how to opperate a phone? And why for God sake can’t they ditch World of Warcraft for half an hour a month and actually talk to me?
Makes me sad to see that we are gliding apart, but if I get less priority than a pixelated guy on the screen I’m not sure that’s the kind of friends I want.

Edit: All the names are fake of course… I’ll be changing the names once I come up with a suitable name for them.

Advertisements