The future. It really scares me.

Apart from a very brief period when I wanted to become a vey I’ve never really had any dreams for my future. In all those “My friends”-books there’d usually be a question asking what you want to be when you grow up. I’d usually answer happy. That’s all I know. I want to be happy and I have no idea what I want to actually do. I have no idea what career I’d like to try out, where I’d want to live, if I want to go on to Uni or if I even want to grow up. (No, I’m not suicidal! Been there, done that.) My future is just… blank. I can’t imagine what my life will look like even a year from now.

Trusting people too much scares me.

I’ve been hurt, by people who weren’t supposed to hurt me.
I’ve been betrayed and let down, but people who were supposed to look out for me.
I’ve spent a year actually believing that people would be happier if I was gone.
I’ve spent two years in my own little personal hell called depression without anyone noticing. Not my mother, not my best friend. None of my teachers seemed to notice how I’d gone from cheery and outgoing to barely talking to people. They didn’t notive how I went from always doing my best in school to not giving a fuck.

Also I’m scared of boyfriend suddenly dissappearing. I care for him so much is scares me…
I’ve come to depend on him, and I don’t mind. Me, who has a problem with being dependant on her mum is just fine with depending on boyfriend. It fucking scares me!
I seriously don’t know what I’d do without him. There are very few people I can’t picture my life without. He is one of them. (Not to be confused with people I don’t want to picture my life without)

Life scares me and I’m stuck with living it ’till the day I die.