I sometimes panic. I try not to, I really do. Sometimes it’s just not enough. So I ended up crying. Boyfriend just hugged me and told me he loved me, which is more or less the only thing he can do. When I’m really sad and just crying hugs keep me from drowning in it all the sorrow. I told him some of what was on my mind but generally it was just a general sense of “Something is wrong with me”.I have trust issues and commitment issues. I have a hard time letting go of the past (one post on a specific thing I really wanna leave in the past but keep bringing up). I have pretty low self esteem, it has been really, really low, but I’m working on it.

About a year ago, when I stopped talking to my dad, I cried almost every day. It’s only those of my friends who were there for me then, and boyfriend, who know the full story of that. Most of it only comes out when I’m having one of my crying attacks.

Once I stood in a busy street in the middle of the largest city in my country, tears just streaming down my face, cos I didn’t remember what number I was headed to or in what direction I should head. I rmanaged to calm down about ten minutes later and ask a guy for directions (I was on my way to a shop).

I’ve panicked in the middle of class once. Normally I try not to make to much of a fuzz or cry around other people, but this time I just.. I dunno.. went blank and started crying real hard. For no real reason either. I’d panicked.
I probably scared my teacher though, and he never tried forcing me to make anything after that.

This post is making me depressed.. Better cut it short here and find boyfriend for a hug. Oh, I can hear him coming my way.

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