I got an e-mail from him. It started out properly I guess. With him saying he was sorry we didn’t talk and what not and he hoped I could explain why I was mad at him cos he couldn’t properly understand it. He used about as many words on that as I’ve used so far.

Then came a 400-or so long essay on why it wasn’t just his fault and how it was a daughters duty to forgive her fathers flaws, how I shouldn’t talk about socialism and humanism and stuff like that here, cos they were based on atheism (I’m starting to suspect that my dad’s a friggen fanatic..). Only if I stopped talking about that could he promise not to say bad stuff about my mum. Also he agrees that it’s a parents duty to support their kid, but apparantly he thinks the kids duty to respect their parents and do what they are told comes first.

Then he finished of with asking if I was done with school and how things were going. Again using less than a hundred words and signed it with “Your father, that loves you”.

I don’t know what you think, but a father that loves you would try to be a part of your life a little harder, right? Appart from a two minute phone conversation with me telling him I wouldn’t see him, that’s the first I’ve heard of him since August 30th.

He’s fucken messed up. Whenever I behave in a way he sees as wrong it’s my mum’s fault. Me not talking to him? Mum’s fault. Me not being as fanatically religious as he is? Mum’s fault. Me getting bad grades (I hardly do!) Mum’s fault. Me having opinions of my own that aren’t the same as his? Mum’s fault.
Well, wouldn’t it be his fault cos HE WASN’T HERE TO INFLUENCE ME?

Thank God he wasn’t is all I can say! Maybe I’d turn out a misinformed asshole like him!

It might seem like I’m only mad at him, but I’m not. I want a father dammit! I just want a father that can respect my mother. A father that can see when he’s in the wrong. A father that can actually be an active part of my life. Not just some dude that’ll visit once a year and send e-mails….

I want a proper dad!

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