Coward

Yesterday after having spent more than six hours at a café with Green Fairy studying, drinking lot’s and lot’s of tea and talking, I had a lot of trouble winding down. So I ended up tagging along with Black Lotus, Cute Geek and a couple of their friends when they went out clubbing ^^

At the club I saw this really cute girl, but I was too scared to go up to her and say hi. After angsting about it for a while some guy started dancing with her and a while later I saw them making out :(

Just before we left Black Lotus literally dragged me up to her and made me say hi. She seemed nice too ^^ I just wish I’d had the guts to actually talk to her a bit earlier that night…

Crazy Weekend!

Thursday: I was working at a dinner party with 69 guests. Setting up tables, serving food (thankfully I didn’t have to help out with the dishes <3) After the dinner it was a regular pub/party/not sure what to call it. I was in the bar or running around picking up empty bottles and glasses. Lot’s of running around and getting hit on by waay too drunk customers. Actually had a lot of fun ^^ But was soo tired when I got home. School had started at 9AM, I started working ~5PM and got home at 4AM.

Friday: Clubbing with Ninja and Cute Geek. We also picked up a day after pill for Ninja. On the way there we decided to get married on facebook :D I love that girl! I’m missing her so much already…. So anyway, since I was married Cute Geek had to ask permission to kiss me xD Ninja said it was fine as long as I kissed her too every time I kissed him. So I pretty much got a lot of kisses that night ^^ Oh, and Cute Geek can DANCE! How did I miss that? I have been out with him before… I think I’m falling for him actually :$ Not sure if that’s a good idea or not.

Saturday: I was the guest at a dinner party thingy similar to the one where I’d worked on Thursday. I got too drunk during the dinner but sobered up a bit after ^^ Met a bunch of new people and had a lot of fun ^^ I also made out with one of the guys working xD I started talking to him at some point and we danced a bit on his “break” (he just took one xD).

He saw my ring* and asked if I was engaged. I told him that I’m not engaged but if an annoying guy hits on me I might pretend I am. He took that to mean that I didn’t think he was annoying. Then his boss came and told him to get back to work. Right before he left he kissed me. Later that night he pretty much pulled me away from my friends and pushed me up against a door and kissed me.

“Hey, you’re pretty drunk.. Maybe I shouldn’t do this,” he said after a minute or so. He was sober and I was definitely not sober.
“I’m not too drunk to know what I’m doing,” I said and kissed him. He got my number and we’re planning on meeting up sometime next week ^^ If I see him again he’ll get a name here, and I have the perfect one :D

*I have a very pretty white gold and diamond ring that looks a bit like an engagement ring.

Why I’m not Talking to Paul Anymore

Paul says (11:54):
the thing is i like you.. and i was only with you till this weekend when i gave up the thought that you were gonna be only with me
but.. it doesn’t matter if i’m with other people, it’s still hard hearing about how you see other guys
guess you could call it jelousy
Mortality says (11:55):
i didn’t have sex with anyone else ’till i got those texts actually
Paul says (11:55):
feels too late to be “just friends”
Mortality says (11:55):
ok
Paul says (11:56):
was it because of the texts or would you have anyway?
Mortality says (11:56):
i don’t know
Paul says (11:56):
ok
Mortality says (11:56):
i’ve m made out with other people tho
Paul says (11:57):
yeh
but that doesn’t bother me
it’s a difference sleeping [as in sleeping not sex] with other guys
Mortality says (11:57):
just sleeping as in sleeping doesn’t mean sex in my world
Paul says (11:57):
it does in mine
Mortality says (11:58):
just cos i’ve spent the night with a guy friend doesn’t mean i’ve has sex with them
Paul says (11:58):
no, but it’s on the same level anyway
with or without sex, not that big of a difference
Mortality says (11:58):
to me it is
i have to many guy friends
Paul says (11:59):
nah >,<
but you don’t have to share a bed with them
i don’t share a bed with my guy friends
your guy friends aren’t just friends to you, they are a way to not be alone and a way to suck out closeness/love from them
Mortality says (12:00):
a lot of them are nothing more than friends
Paul says (12:00):
been there done that.. and i have a lot of friends who do the same
Mortality says (12:00):
i just happen to like hugs and cuddling
Paul says (12:00):
that’s what i meant..
“hugs and cuddling”
Mortality says (12:00):
that means i like hugs, nothing more!
Paul says (12:01):
others call it “slutty” i call it a constant need of closeness.. you dull the loneliness with a lot of different guys you like to “cuddle with” and i smoke weed or get drunk instead… same same
Mortality says (12:01):
you know what?
i think it’s a good idea not to see each other anymore
Paul says (12:01):
true
Paul says (12:02):
delete from msn too?
Mortality says (12:02):
do that.. don’t think i want to talk to you again anyway… i just end up getting hurt
Paul says (12:02):
ok
take care..

And that is the last we said before deleting and blocking each other from our msn lists.

Two

Make that two guys I regret.

Paul pretty much just called me a slut… (might post the whole conversation). We’re not gonna see each other anymore and we deleted each other from our msn lists and I just removed him from my friend list on facebook.

Drunk Texting

Text conversation between me and Paul last night:
Paul: Come over and sleep?
Me: I’m with a friend.. Rain check?
Paul: Fu
Me: …
Paul: I’m sleeping with another girl instead. At least!
Me: be my guest
Paul: Stop bothering me, I’m fucking

It should surprise no one that I wasn’t very happy with those texts. A few minutes ago Paul got online on msn and IMed me.

Paul: Hey babe!
Me: hi
Paul: How are you?
Me: Fine
Paul: nice
Paul: what have you been up to this weekend?
Me: movie night friday, seeing friends on saturday
Paul: ok
Paul: sounds nice
Me: you?
Paul: Partied hard
Paul: Friday preparty at my place and then clubbing, saturday my uncle’s 50th
Me: k
Paul: You’re really short with me today
Me: maybe
Paul: why??
Paul: Annoyed with me? :o
Me: maybe a bit
Paul: Why?
Me: might just overreact
Paul: maybe.. but what was there to overreact about?
Me: how drunk were you yesterday?
Paul: enough
Paul: but how would you’ve noticed that?
Me: check your outbox in your cell
Paul: oh
Paul: oops
Paul: why would I write that?!?

So he basically didn’t even remember… And now I don’t know what to do…

Nixing Sex

I met up with Emo Boy at his place last night. We talked a lot, watched some TV and then went to bed. There we continued talking. I’m not sure how, but we ended up kissing and almost having sex. None of us had any condoms and I’m actually glad we didn’t. I told Emo Boy this. He of course asked why.

It’s not that I’m not attracted to him. I am. Very much so even. It’s that over the summer he said he only wanted to be friends cos he’d met this girl he kinda fell for. He told me he didn’t want to mess up things with her. (Things didn’t work out with her) So last night I kinda felt like his second choice. He was the one who told me he only wanted to be friends.

I’m not jealous but if I’m going to sleep with him again I gotta be sure he wants me for me, and not as a substitute for someone else.

Not a Good Idea Right Now

Raven is smart, good looking, funny, and when I told him about a guy who tried to kiss me and said something about it not being that bad… Can you guess what he said?

Invading personal space is invading personal space!

I haven’t heard him say one victim blaming thing when it comes to stuff like rape and sexual assault. The way he talks about sex and sexuality in general makes me wanna jump him. No victim blaming, no power tripping, no “getting some” when he talks about having sex with someone. According to him sex is a great when shared.

Oh, and to top it of he’s half icelandic! That’s fucken awesome!

This is so a guy I could fall seriously in love with.

BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!

Yesterday was my 21st birthday and I had a BLAST! :D

The day started with a school lesson. Black Lotus showed up and I got a hug :D

After lunch a day full of activities/competitions between groups for the new students started. We started of meeting up our group in a classroom and another guy who’s also a student mentor had them all sing happy birthday for me :D During the day I got a bunch of birthday wishes and “my kids” did really well in the competitions too ^^

My grandparents managed to time in the five minutes that I wasn’t busy to call and wish me a happy birthday too and I got a bunch of texts :D

When we went to have dinner there’d been a mix up in the kitchen so there was no food for me. Due to lack of sleep and being really hungry that nearly made me cry, so one of my kids asked all of the others to help get enough money to buy me dinner. So everyone gave some change and in the end there was enough :D That really made my day ^^ <3 my kids.

When we got back from 7eleven, where me and the guy who’d started collecting the money for my dinner (Raven) had gotten my food, another guy who’s also a student mentor along with me made EVERYONE in there sing for me :D That was our group of kids along with ten other groups and ~60 student mentors.

After dinner I said I was going to crash Linda’s party cos she’d hi-jacked my birthday. I ended up dragging Raven along too. Turns our him and Daisy’s boyfriend are really good friends.

The pre-party, as it turned out to be, was at Photo Guy’s place and a bunch of people I know were there.  Poi Girl (who will be Wifey from now on) and Nellie were among the ones there that have aliases here. When we got to the club Pixie was there and a bit later a guy I started talking to last weekend who seems pretty cool also turned up. He’ll be called Paul from now on. Pink and Kleptomaniac also turned up.

Daisy’s boyfriend is really cool by the way. I talked to him some yesterday and I’m really happy for Daisy. I don’t think she’s ever had a boyfriend who was actually good for her before.

That night consisted of a lot of drinking and dancing and making out for me. Everyone bought me drinks cos it was my birthday and I made out with a lot of my friends. The only person I made out with whom I really shouldn’t have made out with was Raven. I’m his student mentor >< We are kinda friends though and he’s really good friends with Daisy’s boyfriend and he’s actually almost a year older than me so I think it’s ok anyway ^^ And dancing really makes me feel good :D There is this feeling that I pretty much only get when I’m on the dancefloor :D

I ended up staying the night at Raven’s place cos he lived really close to the club. We didn’t have sex though so I’ve still never had sex on my birthday :D

Wiiieee

I was out partying with Batman, Black Lotus and a bunch of their friends tonight. We went to this newly opened club and I MADE OUT WITH A GIRL! :D She was really cute and she was bisexual ^^

Might write longer post tomorrow

Just Dance

I’m going to start taking dance lessons again :D I quit dancing about two-three years ago, and now I’m going to start again. I’ve missed it so much… I love how dancing makes me feel :D

Not Hungover!!

I’m not hungover!! :D And with the amount of alcohol I had last night that’s surprising to say the least :P

It was Pinky’s birthday and Kleptomaniac ordered shots. Daisy and Poi Girl where there too ^^

And I was smoking hot yesterday… and sent a bunch of drunken text to Emo Boy letting him know that :$

Sirqus Alfon again and going for a beer

Me and Poi Girl went to see Sirqus Alfon again yesteday. We met up my mum, aunt and a friend of my aunts there. I had a lot of fun :D Sirqus Alfon are really crazy! Their “lead singer” has dreads coupled with shaving part of the head. They do “covers” of Spice Girls, Enigma, No Dobt, that Mr. Vain song I can never remember anything more about, Missy Elliot, and a whole bunch of other people/songs. How can you not love a group like that?

After the show me and Poi Girl met up with Daisy and her new boyfriend and some of his friends for a beer or two. It was kinda nice :) Her boyfriend seems nice^^ Most of the people she’s dated has turned out to be idiots.. So I’m really happy that she’s met a nice guy at last^^ No checking through her msn-conversations, no telling her what she can and can’t wear, no trying to turn her friends against her, no freaking out cos a male friend buys her a drink. And he’s good looking too^^

Daisy told us that they still haven’t had sex cos he gets too nervous. They both really want to, but he gets all nervous and stuff so he can’t get it up. Daisy said that he more than makes up for it though, so she doesn’t mind. Aparantly he has “magic fingers” xD

Most of the time Poi Girl and Daisy were making plans about upcoming parties and stuff and gossiping about mutual friends. Poi Girl dated some guy who turned out to be an asshole after a pregnancy scare and Daisy was semi-interested in another guy who turned out to be really arrogant and stuff. And some guy who Poi Girl dated a while was sad that Daisy had gotten a boyfriend cos now him and Daisy couldn’t have kids. This guy is a creep and Daisy has as big chance of getting pregnant without condoms as with them. She said she wouldn’t have his baby for a million.

Around midnight we split up, everyone going home.

When I got the station where the subway branches out I didn’t want to wait for my train (22min) so I started walking (would take me less than 20 minutes to get home that way). Some guy asked me when the train went but in the end started pestering me to come home with him to watch a movie. I’m not interested in random desperate guys!

Jump, jump (Part II)

This is part two. Part one can be found here.

For the next couple of hours I alternated between talking to people I know, dancing, dancing some more and talking to people I didn’t know. Lot’s of fun ^^ Even though Pat and Ryan tried to get me drunk. I made Pat promise me that if I got too drunk to get home on my own he’d make sure I got home ok.

After a while Lily and her brother had to leave cos the brother’s seven months pregnant girlfriend was getting tired. Pat and Ryan left shortly after that. When they’d left I went over to where Photo Guy, Poi Girl and a few others where sitting. Poi Girl wasn’t feeling very well due to too much alcohol so she was mostly moaning about that and me and Photo Guy ended up talking about taking pictures and stuff like that. He is pretty good with a camera and I showed him some of the pics I’ve taken that were online. He also checked when the bus home left. Cell phones with internet are pretty handy :)

I texted Pat and asked btw how was I supposed to get homw now if I got too drunk? and after a couple of texts we started talking about how many people we’d slept with and stuff xD Oh, and apparantly I would’ve been able to make out with him if I’d tried when he was still single (he’d met a girl the day before).

Turned out I didn’t need Pat to get me home ok, cos Photo Guy’s friend with a car said he’d give me a ride ^^ By now it was freezing outside so me and another girl went back to the dance floor to get warmed up. We stayed there for over and hour and it was GREAT! Just dancing, moving to the music, surrounded by people doing the same. AWESOME! :D I also noticed a couple of people watching me, and not in the what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-her-way, and some people I’ve never met before told me I was a good dancer. Ego boost :D

The friend of Photo Guy turned up after a while though, and I had to leave the dance floor. I was still all giddy and hyper so I kinda jumped all the way to the car. I got home shortly before six.

I had a great time :D :D

Far Away

I met up with Smile yesterday. I was really miserable and refused to take off my sunglasses cos I was hungover (might get a post up about my Friday). My head was pounding and I felt like a vampire when it came to sunlight. Smile had a lot of fun teasing me about it but bought me an ice cream so I was a bit happier when we got to his car.

It took about an hour to drive to his place, and then I was already about half an hour away from my place. He lives faaar away! When we got there I got a tour of his town, among other things he showed me his old high school, the harbour and the many huuge supermarkets xD When we got to his place he said what I needed was a drink. For my hangover that is… He was also amused by how easily I get drunk/hungover. I’d had like one drink the nigh before.

Smile’s house was nice. Pretty small, and just behind his parents house. He’s moving to Stockholm in the fall he told me, he’s gonna study and don’t want to spend three hours commuting each day.

We watched some TV and talked first. About India, Greece, mutual friends, his ex, my ex, relationships in general, sex, some of my self esteem issues and a bunch of other stuff. Then we watched some movies. He also had a lot of  fun holding me down and tickling me. Sadist! (But then I do have some masochistic tendencies too… xD)

Around ten I figured I should check when the bus home left, but then I decided to finish the second (thrd?) movie we were wathing first. In the end we lost track of time and I missed the last bus. By like five minutes. Smile offered to try and catch up with the bus by car, but said that could also stay the night if I wanted to. I just had to decide like right now. I ended up staying the night.

I had a lot of fun ^^

Top of the World

I love those days when you wake up and just feel great. I love it when I wake up and just feel like this is going to be a good day. I love it when I get up in the morning and the person staring back at me in the mirror is drop dead gorgeous. I love the days when it feels like nothing can go wrong, the days when my self esteem is pretty much of the chart.

When those days coincide with a job interview, well… It took the guy less than ten minutes to offer me a job.