School

I’m back from school. Today consisted of two two.hour-lessons one after the other. So basically a four hour lesson. Then I found some of my “kids”, among them Raven. I ended spending four more hours alternating between studying, helping Raven and one more of my “kids” with their school-work and just talking. We had a pretty good discussion on rape and the legal aspect of the rape laws in Sweden.

When it comes to rape and other sex crimes I like Raven’s opinions and thoughts. How often do you hear a guy talking about how society is pretty patriarchal and that the only ones who can stop rape is other men? Usually when I discuss rape and stuff like that and it’s me and two guys those two will “gang up” on me. Today it was me and Raven “ganging up” on the other guy xD

The other guy said something about how people make it about gender when the criminals are individuals or something like that… Both me and Raven said that rape is more than just the individual crimes committed by individual rapists against individual victims. It’s bigger than that. It’s how this society is formed.

I so have a crush on Raven xD

Birthday Celebraition

It was my 21st last Friday and this weekend I was at my mum’s place for presents and cake :D I got some lovely presens:

I’ve wanted pink skullcandy headphones for a while now :D Wiiee :D And I got one of these:

Not me in the pic btw, I found it on google. I also got one of those in blue and white :D I think I might be in a pink period right now xD Oh, and I got a gift card for Lush from my brother. I also got to hang out with Nadia :D I hadn’t met her in aaageees! So it wa great seeing her again :D Her kids are really cute. Her oldest (who just turned five) said that if you got nothing nice to say you shouldn’t say anything. <3 her kids!

BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!

Yesterday was my 21st birthday and I had a BLAST! :D

The day started with a school lesson. Black Lotus showed up and I got a hug :D

After lunch a day full of activities/competitions between groups for the new students started. We started of meeting up our group in a classroom and another guy who’s also a student mentor had them all sing happy birthday for me :D During the day I got a bunch of birthday wishes and “my kids” did really well in the competitions too ^^

My grandparents managed to time in the five minutes that I wasn’t busy to call and wish me a happy birthday too and I got a bunch of texts :D

When we went to have dinner there’d been a mix up in the kitchen so there was no food for me. Due to lack of sleep and being really hungry that nearly made me cry, so one of my kids asked all of the others to help get enough money to buy me dinner. So everyone gave some change and in the end there was enough :D That really made my day ^^ <3 my kids.

When we got back from 7eleven, where me and the guy who’d started collecting the money for my dinner (Raven) had gotten my food, another guy who’s also a student mentor along with me made EVERYONE in there sing for me :D That was our group of kids along with ten other groups and ~60 student mentors.

After dinner I said I was going to crash Linda’s party cos she’d hi-jacked my birthday. I ended up dragging Raven along too. Turns our him and Daisy’s boyfriend are really good friends.

The pre-party, as it turned out to be, was at Photo Guy’s place and a bunch of people I know were there.  Poi Girl (who will be Wifey from now on) and Nellie were among the ones there that have aliases here. When we got to the club Pixie was there and a bit later a guy I started talking to last weekend who seems pretty cool also turned up. He’ll be called Paul from now on. Pink and Kleptomaniac also turned up.

Daisy’s boyfriend is really cool by the way. I talked to him some yesterday and I’m really happy for Daisy. I don’t think she’s ever had a boyfriend who was actually good for her before.

That night consisted of a lot of drinking and dancing and making out for me. Everyone bought me drinks cos it was my birthday and I made out with a lot of my friends. The only person I made out with whom I really shouldn’t have made out with was Raven. I’m his student mentor >< We are kinda friends though and he’s really good friends with Daisy’s boyfriend and he’s actually almost a year older than me so I think it’s ok anyway ^^ And dancing really makes me feel good :D There is this feeling that I pretty much only get when I’m on the dancefloor :D

I ended up staying the night at Raven’s place cos he lived really close to the club. We didn’t have sex though so I’ve still never had sex on my birthday :D

Sirqus Alfon again and going for a beer

Me and Poi Girl went to see Sirqus Alfon again yesteday. We met up my mum, aunt and a friend of my aunts there. I had a lot of fun :D Sirqus Alfon are really crazy! Their “lead singer” has dreads coupled with shaving part of the head. They do “covers” of Spice Girls, Enigma, No Dobt, that Mr. Vain song I can never remember anything more about, Missy Elliot, and a whole bunch of other people/songs. How can you not love a group like that?

After the show me and Poi Girl met up with Daisy and her new boyfriend and some of his friends for a beer or two. It was kinda nice :) Her boyfriend seems nice^^ Most of the people she’s dated has turned out to be idiots.. So I’m really happy that she’s met a nice guy at last^^ No checking through her msn-conversations, no telling her what she can and can’t wear, no trying to turn her friends against her, no freaking out cos a male friend buys her a drink. And he’s good looking too^^

Daisy told us that they still haven’t had sex cos he gets too nervous. They both really want to, but he gets all nervous and stuff so he can’t get it up. Daisy said that he more than makes up for it though, so she doesn’t mind. Aparantly he has “magic fingers” xD

Most of the time Poi Girl and Daisy were making plans about upcoming parties and stuff and gossiping about mutual friends. Poi Girl dated some guy who turned out to be an asshole after a pregnancy scare and Daisy was semi-interested in another guy who turned out to be really arrogant and stuff. And some guy who Poi Girl dated a while was sad that Daisy had gotten a boyfriend cos now him and Daisy couldn’t have kids. This guy is a creep and Daisy has as big chance of getting pregnant without condoms as with them. She said she wouldn’t have his baby for a million.

Around midnight we split up, everyone going home.

When I got the station where the subway branches out I didn’t want to wait for my train (22min) so I started walking (would take me less than 20 minutes to get home that way). Some guy asked me when the train went but in the end started pestering me to come home with him to watch a movie. I’m not interested in random desperate guys!

Gynaecologist

I went to see a gynaecologist today. First he asked me a couple of questions. Like what were my symptoms? (some irritation when peeing and pain in the lower back where it hurts during my period, my grandmother said it could be something with the ovaries), had I ever been pregnant? (no!), what had I been tested for so? far (UTI and chlamydia, both negative), was I on the Pill (nope, side effects didn’t agree with me), didn’t I use any contraceptive!?! (ehm, what?), oh, do you use condoms? (yeah…).

What’s with the assumed heterosexuality? And why assume that all women in fertile age who don’t want to be pregnant will be on the Pill? I was thisclose to saying that I only sleep with women actually xD

He didn’t find anything that explained my symptoms, but he found what it is that’s causing my irregular period. He looked at my ovaries and saw a lot of something that I don’t know the English word for (“äggblåsor”) and said it looked a bit like PCO, but not enough to give a diagnosis. But I might have trouble conceiving when/if I want kids.

Crystal Caves <3

Crystal Caves is a game we used to play a lot when I was a kid. You start on a main level, and from there you go through doors to a lot of different levels… You can chose the order yourself :) When I was a kid we’d take turns completing the levels. And since pretty much all of us had different favourite levels everyone got to play their favourite too^^ It was a lot of fun :D

A while ago I found a free download of the game on the internet and downloaded it. Sadly I had to fix some kinda DOS-programme-thingy to make it work on my computer. I couldn’t figure out how it workes, but yesterday (ex)boyfriend fixed it for me :D

I’ve been on a nostalgia trip ever since xD

Tattoos and kids

I want to get a tattoo… The thing is that the one I want to get is gonna hurt as hell and get distorted if I get fat and/or pregnant. I don’t want to get either fat or pregnant… Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I’m sure there are millions of women who want to become pregnant and have kids. I don’t know if I will ever want kids, but I think I’d prefer to adopt. The whole pregnancy thing scares me…

I really need to stop rambling!

“Sorry, but your brother is a rapist”

I’m on facebook chatting with the rapist’s sister. She is a really nice person who just happens to have an idiot for a brother…

She’s a mum now! Her baby girl is so cute :)

I asked her how her family was doing and she listed what they all were doing now. Her youngest brother is eight years old now! I remember when he was born!

Then she told me that the rapist was doing better, and from what she’d heard he’d been treating me bad the time I went to visit… She told me he had been having a rough time and doing drugs and stuff. She also said that it didn’t excuse anything, but that he at least was doing better now.

I told her that he’d refused to listen when I said no. AND SHE BELIEVED ME!! :D That means a lot to me! She believed me over her little brother… He’s doing much better now, but it took him time to get clean and stuff. Apparantly he even stopped smoking regular ciggarets.

I find myself being happy for him… Maybe someday I will be able to see him without kicking him someplace painful…

Just Read This!

You seriously need to read this! If that’s not a hate crime I don’t know what is…

Babysitting

I was babysitting a friend of my aunt’s kids today. They are four and one year old. I took them to a park and started talking to one dad who was there with his daughter.

“How old is your kid?” he asked me.

“Uhm, she’s not mine,” I said. “Had she been mine I would’ve been a mum at fifteen.”

A bit later someone asked if they were my kids.

Kids?

A friend of mine just found out he’s gonna be a dad. He’s exactly a week older than me and the mum-to-be is turning sixteen soon. And this seems to be the norm with the people I know… Will I be wierd for not having kids before uni soon or what?

Linda has a one year old son and she’s two years older than me, Nadia has two sons, the oldest turned four about two weeks ago, another friend just had a miscarrige (she had a scheduled aborting though…) Sometimes I’m really happy about my roomie. She’s 43 and doesn’t have kids^^

Sweden: “Most Equal”?

Apparently Sweden is considerd the most equal coutry. I don’t agree. We might be the least unequal country though…

A couple of days ago we had a bunch of people with the same degree I’ll get when/if I graduate: A Masters of Law. They were there so we could ask them questions. One of the questions was how easy it was for women with children to work in each field. The defence attorney said that at the moment all his male employees were on paternety leave and none of his female were. So he said that it wasn’t impossible. The district attorney said she wanted to do a little test. How many of the men had kids and how many of the women had kids. All the (four) men had kids and only one (out of four) woman had kids. This sparked a discussion on equality between those eight people.

They came to the conclusion that none of their feilds were equal yet, but they hoped that it would be better by the time we graduated.

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Reading

I’ve skimmed through most of my archives today. I found posts about painful things, posts about things I’d almost forgotten and was happy to find, a lot of posts on rape and stuff like that.

One of the most painful posts I’ve ever written was about the time I was raped. Back then I didn’t call it rape. I was in denial and blamed myself… I read a lot of very painful posts on that.

Another painful post was the first one I wrote about my eating disorder.

I remeber the summer before I turned ten. I was on a school trip to a city a few hours train-ride away and there was a pair of scales in the bathroom there. I was curious, so I checked to see how much I weighed. I was tweny-nine kilos. I nearly freaked out! That was SO MUCH in my eyes, when in reality it is as average as it gets. I refused dinner that nigh, first time of many I did that.

I also found happy posts, but for some reason those never seem to be able to cancel out all the pain.

I wrote on post about pro-lifers, and how the ones we got in Sweden are miles better than the nut cases over seas. I wrote about counselling and panic attacks and friends and crushes and partying. I had a lot of posts with lyrics in them cos I couldn’t find the right words on my own.

I’ve written a lot in the past year or so^^

I’m Crazy!

I went over to Nadia… I sent an invitation to my birthday party and she replied. Then we talked a bit on msn and I ended up going over to her place. She had a bit of a dilemma and we talked pretty much actually. She is the closest thing to a sister I have. We talked a lot about relationships and her kids are adorable! They almost make me want a kid of my own O.o

I need to sleep though… It’s nine thirty and I’m still up. Got two queued posts for later today, and I’m off to bed now. Night!