I had “the talk” with Frog this weekend. The “what are we to each other” and “where are we headed”.
None of us are ready for relationships. None of us are completely over our exes. Both of us have some trouble with monogamy (me more than him though, he’s said that he could be monogamous but for him to be that it would have to be mutual or else he might get jealous).
Oh, and labels scare us both.. so we’ll go on like we’ve done so far ^^
“What are you thinking about?” I asked
“You,” he said. Then he looked me right in the eyes and added “without clothes”
Right now I don’t feel completely safe with Frog. He says that he likes me “maybe a bit too much” but he isn’t very good at showing it. He also doesn’t notice when he’s pushing my boundaries until he’s crossed them and I get pissed off.
So I’m going to talk to him about it, and if it doesn’t get better I’m not gonna see him as much. If he can’t respect me and my boundaries it doesn’t matter how much fun we have at other times.
I was supposed to help ex-boyfriend with his Halloween-outfit today, we ended up fixing both his and mine ^^ He’ll be an emo xD I think that’s so funny! I helped him find a My Chemical Romance band t-shirt, fake piercings so he can get a snakebite and some other stuff xD I think he’ll be really cute as an emo ^^
I’m gonna be a fairy/pixie/something. I’ve got a cute dress, wings and glittery hairspray ^^ I’m gonna have the same shoes I had when I graduated and some other stuff like flowers in my hair or something ^^ I’m actually getting exited ^^ Frog said it didn’t matter what I wore as long as it was short xD I don’t think he’s ever seen me in a skirt before. I think I might be falling a bit for that guy :$
All in all I had a great time with ex-boyfriend^^ I think this friend thing might actually work out :D That would be awesome! You can’t be together with someone for two and a half years and not want to stay in touch. I still love that guy a lot even if I don’t want to get back together with him…
Thursday was both Black Lotus’ and Frog’s birthday. On Friday we threw a surprise party for Black Lotus. On Saturday both of them were going clubbing so I didn’t know whos party to go to. I texted a bit with Cute Geek (who’s really good friends with Black Lotus) and some of the things he said made me kinda pissed off and worried that he was jealous. I don’t do jealousy!
Anyway, since I’d been to Black Lotus’ surprise party I decided to go to Frog’s party. I had a lot of fun there, when I wasn’t thinking about Cute Geek’s maybe-jealousy. After a while we headed out to a club and a while after we got there I spotted Black Lotus and his friends too! Both groups of people ended up at the same place :D
My only worry was that Cute Geek would get hurt or that I wouldn’t know what to do with both guys I’m seeing right now at the same place. Cute Geek wasn’t with Black Lotus though… And they didn’t even know if he was going to show up. So I had a lot of fun dancing and drinking and making out and stuff like that ^^
Then Cute Geek showed up and was super drunk. Drunk enough to be really annoying and kinda clingy. So I kinda avoided him a bit to be honest. Usually I really like that guy, yesterday I was mostly just annoyed.
I went home with Frog, and we were supposed to just sleep but of course we ended up having sex. We pretty much always have sex when we see each other. The only times we haven’t had sex has been when we’ve been in public and once we came close anyway xD
This morning I got a text from Cute Geek saying sorry, and on my way home from Frog we talked on the phone and I told him why I was annoyed. He said that he hadn’t been jealous, but I’m not completely sure I believe him ><
About an hour ago someone rand my door bell and when I opened the door there was a vodka bottle with water and a rose in it. Attached to the rose was a card saying “[Mortality], Sorry”. When I looked out on the street I saw a car I recognised as his leaving.
Today I woke up at 4-5AM with a UTI >< About eleven I had a doctors appointment to get antibiotics prescribed. Since the closest pharmacy to me was closed I had to go to the next closest. About a block from that pharmacy is the only place in Stockholm where I know they sell Cherry Cola. On my way to the shop I bumped into Raven.
We talked for a while about school stuff and then he asked me where’d I’d been hiding.
“I used to bump into you at school like every day and now I hardly see you…”
I ended up skipping school and spend a couple of hours studying at his place and discussion sexual assault laws in Sweden and Israel. I had a lot of fun actually :D I like his opinions when it comes to sex crimes :)
I really like Cute Geek. A lot even… I could really fall hard for that guy. The thing is, the better I get to know Frog the more I like him. And I can see both of them fitting into my life too. When I’m with Cute Geek I can see us ending up together. When I hand out with Frog I feel the same way about him too! And when I’m alone I’m fine being all flirty and stuff…
What’s a girl to do?
Thursday: I was working at a dinner party with 69 guests. Setting up tables, serving food (thankfully I didn’t have to help out with the dishes <3) After the dinner it was a regular pub/party/not sure what to call it. I was in the bar or running around picking up empty bottles and glasses. Lot’s of running around and getting hit on by waay too drunk customers. Actually had a lot of fun ^^ But was soo tired when I got home. School had started at 9AM, I started working ~5PM and got home at 4AM.
Friday: Clubbing with Ninja and Cute Geek. We also picked up a day after pill for Ninja. On the way there we decided to get married on facebook :D I love that girl! I’m missing her so much already…. So anyway, since I was married Cute Geek had to ask permission to kiss me xD Ninja said it was fine as long as I kissed her too every time I kissed him. So I pretty much got a lot of kisses that night ^^ Oh, and Cute Geek can DANCE! How did I miss that? I have been out with him before… I think I’m falling for him actually :$ Not sure if that’s a good idea or not.
Saturday: I was the guest at a dinner party thingy similar to the one where I’d worked on Thursday. I got too drunk during the dinner but sobered up a bit after ^^ Met a bunch of new people and had a lot of fun ^^ I also made out with one of the guys working xD I started talking to him at some point and we danced a bit on his “break” (he just took one xD).
He saw my ring* and asked if I was engaged. I told him that I’m not engaged but if an annoying guy hits on me I might pretend I am. He took that to mean that I didn’t think he was annoying. Then his boss came and told him to get back to work. Right before he left he kissed me. Later that night he pretty much pulled me away from my friends and pushed me up against a door and kissed me.
“Hey, you’re pretty drunk.. Maybe I shouldn’t do this,” he said after a minute or so. He was sober and I was definitely not sober.
“I’m not too drunk to know what I’m doing,” I said and kissed him. He got my number and we’re planning on meeting up sometime next week ^^ If I see him again he’ll get a name here, and I have the perfect one :D
*I have a very pretty white gold and diamond ring that looks a bit like an engagement ring.
Paul says (11:54):
the thing is i like you.. and i was only with you till this weekend when i gave up the thought that you were gonna be only with me
but.. it doesn’t matter if i’m with other people, it’s still hard hearing about how you see other guys
guess you could call it jelousy
Mortality says (11:55):
i didn’t have sex with anyone else ’till i got those texts actually
Paul says (11:55):
feels too late to be “just friends”
Mortality says (11:55):
ok
Paul says (11:56):
was it because of the texts or would you have anyway?
Mortality says (11:56):
i don’t know
Paul says (11:56):
ok
Mortality says (11:56):
i’ve m made out with other people tho
Paul says (11:57):
yeh
but that doesn’t bother me
it’s a difference sleeping [as in sleeping not sex] with other guys
Mortality says (11:57):
just sleeping as in sleeping doesn’t mean sex in my world
Paul says (11:57):
it does in mine
Mortality says (11:58):
just cos i’ve spent the night with a guy friend doesn’t mean i’ve has sex with them
Paul says (11:58):
no, but it’s on the same level anyway
with or without sex, not that big of a difference
Mortality says (11:58):
to me it is
i have to many guy friends
Paul says (11:59):
nah >,<
but you don’t have to share a bed with them
i don’t share a bed with my guy friends
your guy friends aren’t just friends to you, they are a way to not be alone and a way to suck out closeness/love from them
Mortality says (12:00):
a lot of them are nothing more than friends
Paul says (12:00):
been there done that.. and i have a lot of friends who do the same
Mortality says (12:00):
i just happen to like hugs and cuddling
Paul says (12:00):
that’s what i meant..
“hugs and cuddling”
Mortality says (12:00):
that means i like hugs, nothing more!
Paul says (12:01):
others call it “slutty” i call it a constant need of closeness.. you dull the loneliness with a lot of different guys you like to “cuddle with” and i smoke weed or get drunk instead… same same
Mortality says (12:01):
you know what?
i think it’s a good idea not to see each other anymore
Paul says (12:01):
true
Paul says (12:02):
delete from msn too?
Mortality says (12:02):
do that.. don’t think i want to talk to you again anyway… i just end up getting hurt
Paul says (12:02):
ok
take care..
And that is the last we said before deleting and blocking each other from our msn lists.
I slept with this guy (who’ll be Cute Geek) on Sunday and last night/this morning. On Sunday it was fun as long as it lasted, and last night/this morning he made me come.
Yesterday I met up with my childhood friend (whoäll be Ninja from now on). I was supposed to just meet up with her, leave her stuff and go home again. We ended up sitting at the train station and talked for about half an hour. Then she was meeting up with a friend of mine who she’s also friends with now.
I told Cute Geek that I’d been talking to Ninja and told her some about him. He got really curious xD Black Lotus is really curious about what’s going on with us too xD
I’m going over to Paul’s soon… We need to talk about his drunken text messages.
Black Lotus’ friend get’s his own post now. He really needs a name though…
Yesterday I was craving Subway cookies and he didn’t have anything do so we went to Subway together. We ended up staying there talking for over an hour. I really like spending time with him :) Anyway, we were discussing what we listed people under in our phone books. Almost all the people in my phone book are listed under [first name] [something that tells me which [first name] it is]. This guy complained about the clarification name I had for him since he was the only [his first name] in my phone book.
Yesterday he felt left out so I handed my phone to him and let him chose his own name in it. So now he is “The Almighty” in my phone book xD Makes me laugh every time I get a text from him.
What I said about two crushes? Yeah, make that four. I was thisclose to falling in love with Emo Boy a while ago, but then he met a girl he liked so I was happy to be friends and just crush on him from a distance. Of all my crushes right now that’s the oldest one I think…
I’m also somwhat crushing on a friend of Black Lotus. Technically I met him at the party where I met Batman the first time, but there were too many new people for me to remember them all. Then I met him again when we were out clubbing about a month ago. After that night we started talking on facebook and msn, and about a week or two ago we started texting.
I love unexpectedly running into one of the people I’m crushing on. I love the butterflies in my stomach when I get a text from one of them. I love hugs and spending time just doing nothing. I love that we’re not really close, but the possibility to get to know each other and grow close is there. I haven’t let any of them close enough to really hurt me yet, so I still feel safe.
It’s not only my ex who’s crushing on someone. I’m crushing on two guys :O And I love the feeling :) Today me and Raven timed it so we were on the same train to uni. It was kinda nice with some company on the train ^^ Specially cos I could use his shoulder as a cushion :D (I was soooo tired this morning)
After school I met up with Paul. I was talking to him on msn and I asked how he was and he said he felt kinda down. So I asked if he wanted some company. I ended up spending five hours at his apartment doing pretty much nothing. It was nice though^^ And I got HUGS :D (and kisses too ^^) ((Oh, and food :D))
All in all I had a pretty good day :) (despite having to get up at 6AM!)
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