Birthday x2 + some drama

Thursday was both Black Lotus’ and Frog’s birthday. On Friday we threw a surprise party for Black Lotus. On Saturday both of them were going clubbing so I didn’t know whos party to go to. I texted a bit with Cute Geek (who’s really good friends with Black Lotus) and some of the things he said made me kinda pissed off and worried that he was jealous. I don’t do jealousy!

Anyway, since I’d been to Black Lotus’ surprise party I decided to go to Frog’s party. I had a lot of fun there, when I wasn’t thinking about Cute Geek’s maybe-jealousy. After a while we headed out to a club and a while after we got there I spotted Black Lotus and his friends too! Both groups of people ended up at the same place :D

My only worry was that Cute Geek would get hurt or that I wouldn’t know what to do with both guys I’m seeing right now at the same place. Cute Geek wasn’t with Black Lotus though… And they didn’t even know if he was going to show up. So I had a lot of fun dancing and drinking and making out and stuff like that ^^

Then Cute Geek showed up and was super drunk. Drunk enough to be really annoying and kinda clingy. So I kinda avoided him a bit to be honest. Usually I really like that guy, yesterday I was mostly just annoyed.

I went home with Frog, and we were supposed to just sleep but of course we ended up having sex. We pretty much always have sex when we see each other. The only times we haven’t had sex has been when we’ve been in public and once we came close anyway xD

This morning I got a text from Cute Geek saying sorry, and on my way home from Frog we talked on the phone and I told him why I was annoyed. He said that he hadn’t been jealous, but I’m not completely sure I believe him ><

About an hour ago someone rand my door bell and when I opened the door there was a vodka bottle with water and a rose in it. Attached to the rose was a card saying “[Mortality], Sorry”. When I looked out on the street I saw a car I recognised as his leaving.

Choices

I really like Cute Geek. A lot even… I could really fall hard for that guy. The thing is, the better I get to know Frog the more I like him. And I can see both of them fitting into my life too. When I’m with Cute Geek I can see us ending up together. When I hand out with Frog I feel the same way about him too! And when I’m alone I’m fine being all flirty and stuff…

What’s a girl to do?

How Do I React?

My ex is dating a stripper… How the fuck do I react to that? Apparently she’s also good in bed. TMI! I do not need to know the details of his sex life before I get used to the idea of him having a sex life that doesn’t involve me.

Talk

I’m going over to Paul’s soon… We need to talk about his drunken text messages.

Drunk Texting

Text conversation between me and Paul last night:
Paul: Come over and sleep?
Me: I’m with a friend.. Rain check?
Paul: Fu
Me: …
Paul: I’m sleeping with another girl instead. At least!
Me: be my guest
Paul: Stop bothering me, I’m fucking

It should surprise no one that I wasn’t very happy with those texts. A few minutes ago Paul got online on msn and IMed me.

Paul: Hey babe!
Me: hi
Paul: How are you?
Me: Fine
Paul: nice
Paul: what have you been up to this weekend?
Me: movie night friday, seeing friends on saturday
Paul: ok
Paul: sounds nice
Me: you?
Paul: Partied hard
Paul: Friday preparty at my place and then clubbing, saturday my uncle’s 50th
Me: k
Paul: You’re really short with me today
Me: maybe
Paul: why??
Paul: Annoyed with me? :o
Me: maybe a bit
Paul: Why?
Me: might just overreact
Paul: maybe.. but what was there to overreact about?
Me: how drunk were you yesterday?
Paul: enough
Paul: but how would you’ve noticed that?
Me: check your outbox in your cell
Paul: oh
Paul: oops
Paul: why would I write that?!?

So he basically didn’t even remember… And now I don’t know what to do…

Too Much at Once

My dad is visiting Denmark. My grandmother (his mother that is, not my mum’s mother) is in the hospital and might be dying. She took the death of her son very hard.  So she gave my dad money for a ticket so he could come visit.

I really hope she’ll be ok ><

Then I got an e-mail from my dad where he apologised for forgetting my birthday. Apparently he’ll come visit Sweden as well when he’s “in the “neighbourhood”. He said he’s gotten me a gift and I’m still not sure I can handle seeing him. I’m still mad, and a head on collision with a truck is not an apology for the way he’s acted. He won’t even admit that he ever did anything wrong!

*panics*

Robbery

Someone robbed the “väktarbolag” that’s across the street from where I live this morning with a stolen helicopter :O That’s the kinda stuff that only happens in movies !

Crushes and Exes

Ex-boyfriend is crushing on a friend of Photo Guy and Wifey. She lives really close to where he lives and they’ve been haging out a lot lately. It feels really weird. I’m so used to him not even looking at another girl… I’m happy for him, but I will need some time to get used to the idea as well. I might even be a tiny bit jealous too >< I don’t want to be the jealous psycho ex !

Don’t Want Him to Leave

Yesterday I had lunch with Paul and he went to buy an mp3-player. The store he went to didn’t have the one he wanted, but another store in the same chain had it. So the other store saved the music-machine for him and I offered to come pick it up.

Today Paul came to pick it up from me, and he ended up eating with me. When he left I really didn’t want him to go… I just stood there and hugged him, not wanting to let go. I definitely have a crush on that guy… But I’d still rather not see him at all than be his girlfriend. I need my independency.

Not a Good Idea Right Now

Raven is smart, good looking, funny, and when I told him about a guy who tried to kiss me and said something about it not being that bad… Can you guess what he said?

Invading personal space is invading personal space!

I haven’t heard him say one victim blaming thing when it comes to stuff like rape and sexual assault. The way he talks about sex and sexuality in general makes me wanna jump him. No victim blaming, no power tripping, no “getting some” when he talks about having sex with someone. According to him sex is a great when shared.

Oh, and to top it of he’s half icelandic! That’s fucken awesome!

This is so a guy I could fall seriously in love with.

“We Need to Talk”

Yesterday I got a text from Paul were he basically said that “we need to talk”. Had it been from a boyfriend I would’ve gotten prepared for being dumped. In this case I had absolutely no idea what he wanted to talk about… I talked to a couple of friends about it and one of them said that maybe he wants to become my boyfriend.

What Paul wanted to talk about was where this (us seeing each other that is) was going to lead. He didn’t want to get hurt and if he got stronger feelings for me he wouldn’t want it to be as undefined as it’s been. So we talked a bit about where I wanted it to go and where he wanted it to go and stuff… I still don’t know where we stand on the issue though. We’re not together at least.

This Was Not Supposed to Happen

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck… Why? This has never happened before, so why now? Why?

(For anyone who’s gonna worry, this is just me overreacting. I’ll be fine after a good night’s sleep)

Birthday Coming Up

So my birthday is coming up again. Twenty-seven days left. And it just feel kinda weird to be honest. I usually look forward to my birthday… This year I’m just kinda stressed out.

COD

More on my dead uncle:
It wasn’t an overdose as my grandmother first though. It was some kinda poisonous infection or something. I get this info third hand so the details get a bit fuzzy… It sucks that he’s dead, but if it had been an OD it would have been worse I think. An OD is a stupid mistake that could’ve been avoided.

I’m still not sure how I’m supposed to feel about all of this though…

About My Uncle

I still don’t know what killed him, but I do know wich one of my father’s brothers it is now. It’s the one I’ve met. The one I actually have memories of. I don’t know exaclty when it was I met him, but it was many years ago… Might even be as many as ten years ago…

I e-mailed my father today and asked if they got the results from the autopsy yet…

I’m also not completely sure how to react to all of this.