First Time

If you think that you lose your virginity the first time you willingly have intercourse I lost my virginity three years and a day ago xD (Prior to that I’d had oral sex and been raped…)

School

I’m back from school. Today consisted of two two.hour-lessons one after the other. So basically a four hour lesson. Then I found some of my “kids”, among them Raven. I ended spending four more hours alternating between studying, helping Raven and one more of my “kids” with their school-work and just talking. We had a pretty good discussion on rape and the legal aspect of the rape laws in Sweden.

When it comes to rape and other sex crimes I like Raven’s opinions and thoughts. How often do you hear a guy talking about how society is pretty patriarchal and that the only ones who can stop rape is other men? Usually when I discuss rape and stuff like that and it’s me and two guys those two will “gang up” on me. Today it was me and Raven “ganging up” on the other guy xD

The other guy said something about how people make it about gender when the criminals are individuals or something like that… Both me and Raven said that rape is more than just the individual crimes committed by individual rapists against individual victims. It’s bigger than that. It’s how this society is formed.

I so have a crush on Raven xD

Not a Good Idea Right Now

Raven is smart, good looking, funny, and when I told him about a guy who tried to kiss me and said something about it not being that bad… Can you guess what he said?

Invading personal space is invading personal space!

I haven’t heard him say one victim blaming thing when it comes to stuff like rape and sexual assault. The way he talks about sex and sexuality in general makes me wanna jump him. No victim blaming, no power tripping, no “getting some” when he talks about having sex with someone. According to him sex is a great when shared.

Oh, and to top it of he’s half icelandic! That’s fucken awesome!

This is so a guy I could fall seriously in love with.

Idiot Prosecutor

There is a prosecutor who works in Stockholm. Last weekend he said that “If you take a man and a woman who know each other and the woman says she doesn’t feel like it today and the man goes on anyway. Sure, it’s not very nice but not worth two years in prison”*

This he said in an interview with one of Sweden’s biggest newspapers, Svenska Dagbladet. He also said in a debate article last Wednesday that “Not having intercourse with someone against their will is an excellent social rule, but it fits more in a book on etiquette than in a law book.”**

So according to him my rapist was just “not very nice”. According to him my rapist was just a bit of a jerk, but not a criminal. More of the “is it really worth ruining the poor boy’s life over something like this”.

Thankfully his boss has some common sense so this idiot, Rolf Hillegren, is no longer allowed to have anything to do with with this kind of crime again.

*My translation. “Om man tar en man och en kvinna som känner varandraoch kvinnan säger att hon inte har lust idag, men mannen kör ändå. Visst är det oschysst, men inte värt två års fängelse. Det liknar mer en ordningsförseelse.” Two years is the minimum sentence for rape in Sweden.

**”Att inte ha samlag mot någons vilja är en utmärkt umgängesregel som dock passar bättre i etikettböcker än i lagböcker.”

Over

I was reading some old post from my archive when this post showed up. This year the anniversary didn’t bother me at all! I didn’t even think about it… That stuff doesn’t affect me as much as is used to, and I think that’s really great.

It still affects me, but not like it used to do. For a while it felt like the rape defined me. I was That Girl. The one who was raped. Now I have so many other things to define me. Things that are my own choice and not something someone else did to me. Things that matter for who I am as a person.

Talking

Last night I met Emo Boy* again. I met him while working (kinda) on Wednesday night and we’ve been texting bit since then. I met him and a couple of his friends at this bar on Sutreplan.** After we’d been there for a while we went to this other club where we lost his friends so we more or less walked around Stockholm and just talked. It was kinda nice :)

We are similar in some areas and total opposites in others. He talked about a lot of stuff.. Everything from past relationships to school to future plans to sexual orientations. (I try to be as out as I can) He’s straight though :P In the end he followed me home and it turns out that I live in the same house as his grandmother used to live in ’till she got to old for the staircase (!!!!) I had a lot of fun with that. My roomie knows his grandmother and says she’s a nice lady ^^

I told Emo Boy that I’d been raped and he reacted in exactly the right way. That was really nice :) I’m too used to people either acting like “just get over it already” or like what happened has ruined me for life. He told me about a friend of his who’d taked her rapist to court and won.

This is going in the “Friends”-category cos I think I’ve made a new friend :)

*If he ever reads this he’ll hate me for his alias here xD
**A part of Stockholm where there are very many bars and clubs.

“It Was Consesual” taken to a whole new level

A 47 year old man was accused of raping a five year old girl at least twicel. Guess what his defence was? Not only was it consensual, but she had initiated the secual contact!

Thankfully the judge didn’t buy it and sentenced him to four years in prison for statuatory rape. This is Sweden so four years is a pretty hard sentence. That’s what the instigator to a brutal gang rape got a few years back. (Here people can get ten years for murder)

The prosecutor said they probably had enough to convict him on rape, but didn’t want to take the chanse since there was no violence involved.

Carnival Against Sexual Violence

The latest carnival against sexual violence is out on Marcella Chester’s blog. There are a bunch of really good posts there and I’m kinda proud cos two of my posts where among them :D

Hate Nightmares!

I bloody well hate nightmares! I had one last night and it was horrible! I can’t even really talk about it ><

I feel violated by my own subconscious… ><

Stop Nagging FFS!

There’s a guy I know from school that I text a lot with. He seems ok most of the time, fun to joke around with and stuff. yesterday I bought a new top, it’s quite revealing and I have no plans to wear it without something underneath. This guy has been nagging me a LOT about wanting to see it.

So after a while I got pissed and asked him to bloody well stop! I told him it was bloody annoying when someone kept nagging despite you saying no, I told him that when someone keeps ignoring your no you start wondering in what other situations they’d ignore a no too.

He apologised.

I’m still kind of annoyed though.

Hope

I’m not the only Swede who knows about the rape epedemic in Congo. We had a class on International Criminal Law today and the person who talked took the case from Congo as an example when trying to determine if the International Criminal Court (ICC) had jurisdiction or not. That teacher is awesome!

I think it’s really good when our teachers don’t just teach theory, but use examples from real life. So far every teacher on this course has used theoretical examples like “if country A does this what happens?”. This time the teacher brought up a topic that needs a lot more attention than it gets. She even told us what we could do if we wanted to try and get ICC to try the case^^ Not that they’ll listen to a bunch of first year uni students, but there might be hope ^^

Some people are idiots

The other day I had a discussion with a guy at uni. We talked about this case from Germany about a really old guy (like 80-something) who sued a twenty-something girl for age discrimination when she when she wouldn’t sleep with him after a date.  He apparantly thought that the guy was right to sue her. She should’ve said that he was too ugly or something…

So after all my arguments about how that would be legalised rape and how you can’t make laws about things like that failed I tried one last thing.

“So if I tell a guy that I’m not interested cos he’s male and I prefer girls, would that be gender discrimination?”  I asked him. He told me he would need some time to come up with a good argument for that, and that he’d get back to me.

Two hours later he still didn’t have a good argument for me.

Moron.

Lyrics

A band with lyrics such as these  (BTW, those lines could be about reproductive rights in the US. At least in the crazy, pro-life, bible-thumping, republican places of the US):

Another tragedy in the news
Someone shooting down the right to choose
It doesn’t seem at all that they chose the right way
Another law I heard got passed today
Someone’s trying to take my rights away
It doesn’t seem to me they chose the right way
It’s out of my hands but stuck in my mind in time I find my spine
is crooked in design I want to be so much more

And who end another song with these stats:

According the department of justice
One out of five american women are victims of rape
Or sexual assult in their lifetime
25 percent of women report that they have been assualted
Or raped by their current or former partner
25 percent of students have been vistims of a violent crime
That took place in or around their school
8 hundred thousand sixth to twelth grade students
Carried a gun to their school last year
What’s going on?

And who have really good music to acompany the lyrics… Well, then can be nothing short of awesome! I think I have a crush on Zebrahead…

Thread

This thread over at Scarleteen made me think a bit. I wonder what the best way to deal with rape-apologists would be. I tend to deal with rape apologists by getting mad… Not sure if that’s a good way or not.

When I get comments from people excusing some kinds of rape I don’t let that comment through my moderation queue. If the comment is short and ignorant and clearly just out to get me mad I just delete it and forget about it. If the commenter is ignorant and thinks they are helping me I tend to write a long rambling post in reply to tell them exactly why they are wrong.

How do you deal with those idiots?

Why I Don’t Rape

It’s basic decensy. “Do unto other…” and so on. I’ve been raped. It fucked me up and bit and I still feel the effects of it. Once in a while I’ll have a panick attack and once in a while I’ll have a flashback. If I could I would change the past… Some people will ask me if I’m sure it was “really rape” when I tell them what happened and some people offer to beat up the rapist.

Anyway, back on topic now.

I could never inflict that kind of pain on someone else. I’d feel horrible about it! If I’m not completely sure the person I’m sleeping with it into it, I’ll ask! It’s not that hard. I don’t think I would be physically able to rape, it the person I want to have sex with doesn’t want it… Well, that’s a huge turn off for me. If the other person however very much wants to have sex with me that’s a huge turn on.