Crystal Caves <3

Crystal Caves is a game we used to play a lot when I was a kid. You start on a main level, and from there you go through doors to a lot of different levels… You can chose the order yourself :) When I was a kid we’d take turns completing the levels. And since pretty much all of us had different favourite levels everyone got to play their favourite too^^ It was a lot of fun :D

A while ago I found a free download of the game on the internet and downloaded it. Sadly I had to fix some kinda DOS-programme-thingy to make it work on my computer. I couldn’t figure out how it workes, but yesterday (ex)boyfriend fixed it for me :D

I’ve been on a nostalgia trip ever since xD

Soon Summervacation

I’m having my last final on Friday!

Night

I love being up at night. Sometimes I like partying all night with fun people, sometimes I just want to watch some TV-series from episode one to the season finale. Sometimes I’m up all night finishing an essay due in the next day. Even that can be fun with the right people online on msn.

I can count the times I’ve been up early enough to see the sunrise on my fingers. Most of those times was in the winter when the sun rises around 8-9AM. I’ve long ago lost count of the times I was up late enough to see the sun rise. Even in winter time.

I’ve never really been scared of the dark.

I love walking around in the city at night. Alone or with the right company doesn’t matter. I feel free walking around at night. Just as I never really was scared of the dark I’ve never really been scared of the stereotypical rapist jumping out from behind a dark corner to abduct me. It just didn’t occur to me that I should be.

I love the night.

Safe

For some reason I’ve always felt safe with Kit, like I can tell him pretty much anything and he won’t get hurt or judge me.  With most people I censor myself somewhat, even with (ex)boyfriend.* It feels nice to be able to say whatever comes to mind without worrying about how someone will take it.

*Who still needs a proper name ><

Names

(ex)boyfriend needs a name here. Specially now since we’re more like friends than ex’s. I just can’t figure out something good :( Any advice?

Talking

Last night I met Emo Boy* again. I met him while working (kinda) on Wednesday night and we’ve been texting bit since then. I met him and a couple of his friends at this bar on Sutreplan.** After we’d been there for a while we went to this other club where we lost his friends so we more or less walked around Stockholm and just talked. It was kinda nice :)

We are similar in some areas and total opposites in others. He talked about a lot of stuff.. Everything from past relationships to school to future plans to sexual orientations. (I try to be as out as I can) He’s straight though :P In the end he followed me home and it turns out that I live in the same house as his grandmother used to live in ’till she got to old for the staircase (!!!!) I had a lot of fun with that. My roomie knows his grandmother and says she’s a nice lady ^^

I told Emo Boy that I’d been raped and he reacted in exactly the right way. That was really nice :) I’m too used to people either acting like “just get over it already” or like what happened has ruined me for life. He told me about a friend of his who’d taked her rapist to court and won.

This is going in the “Friends”-category cos I think I’ve made a new friend :)

*If he ever reads this he’ll hate me for his alias here xD
**A part of Stockholm where there are very many bars and clubs.

Crashing

Sometimes I feel like my life is like a house built out of a deck of cars. Like it can come crashing down around me for next to nothing. Last night I almost panicked and called (ex)boyfriend. He promised he’d come and give me a hug after he left work today.

Not Pregnant :D

I’m not pregnant!! :D (Got my period this morning)

Failure

About the last post. The condom broke and I freaked out a bit. Much calmer now. I manged to get EC and it says that if taken within 12 hours only one out of 200 will end up pregnant. I like those odds. Bedsides, he didn’t come, so that adds some extra pregnancy protection. Other than that I’m no where near ovulating.

He freaked out more than I did though xD

wedsvcfbfgghjk

rrtfyguh…………. FUCK!!!!

Marriage

If I ever get married it will be to a woman.

On The Last Post

Yesterday I was going through all the blogs I didn’t read when I was ill and on this post on Cara’s blog I found a link to this post in the comments. I clicked the link, read the post and started reading the comments. There was one comment saying something about the difference between transsexual and transgender. That I had no idea there really was a difference lead me to write this post. I think cis privilege is the one I think about the least. Doubly so since I don’t know any trans people in real life, only online.

The only trans person I can say that I know I met on  a queer community online. We mostly talk about school and the pros and cons to being female. She lives her life as a man and is very deep in the closet. (We both agree that a cramps sucks, but she said that she’d gladly take cramps cos it would mean she was “really female”)

Privilege

I’m cis, white, middle class and able bodied. I’m also female and non-straight. The non-straight part don’t show up that much, even though I consider myself out. I’m female in the lest unequal country in the world according to some list (Sweden) so I don’t get mistreated as much as a lot of other women across the world do. If I get pregnant and don’t want to be it wouldn’t be a problem for me to get an abortion. I won’t get asked why I want it, I’ll get asked if Monday 2 o’clock is a good time or if I prefer Tuesday morning.

I can ignore trans issues and it won’t really affect my life. I can be completely ignorant about racial issues and just cos I’m not joining white supremacist groups I’m seen as a nice little white girl. That I can spell my name in sign language is always seen as a very positive thing when I meat deaf people. That I acknowledge that I had it easier than they did makes people from other socio-economic classes less lucky than me see me as a good person. Or at least heaps better than those crazy right-wing people who thinks being poor means that you’re lazy and if we just spent less money on welfare they’d go out and get a better paying job.

That’s all privilege and I guess I’m pretty lucky with the where, when and to whom I was born.

My Dad

The accident might’ve given me my dad back…

Time

I haven’t taken the time to actually think about the break up this time… The past few times we broke up I pretty much broke down for a week after as well. This time I more or less went on with my life as if nothing had happened, not thinking about it.

Typically me… Avoiding things. I tend to avoid things that hurt, things that annoy me, things that I don’t want to think about. And this… this hurts. I don’t want to think about breaking up. So I avoid thinking about it… It’s not the first time we break up, but it feels a lot more final than all the other times.

I feel like I shouldn’t write about it here, but this has always been my place to vent. I don’t want to lose that out of fear of hurting someones feelings. And I don’t want to lose him. That would be a million times worse than losing some small corner of cyber-space. I can always set up a new blog… It’s not that hard (the several I already have should be proof enough). But if he decides he doesn’t want to stay friends after all… I wouldn’t know what to do.