Studying

I’m supposed to be studying right now. I missed a week cos I got really ill.

Tuesday last week I woke up and had some trouble breathing. My throat was kinda swollen… So I panicked, which made it worse, and called [911]. The ambulance people were really nice, checked if I got enough air, my pulse and if I had a fever. I did get enough air and my heart beat about 120 times per minute. I did have a fever as well.

Since I did get enough air I wasn’t an emergency so I had to get my ass to the hospital on my own. The doctor presecribed pencilin and told me to stay at home for a few days. So I was home all of last week. I slept, finished watching The Wire, slept some more and downloaded The L Word. I have two and a half seasons left on that series :P

I’m well now, just bit stressed and trying to catch up at school. Luckily we are right at the beginning of a course so I hardly missed anything :D

So True

Marcella at abyss2hope wrote: “Being raped by those who seem like decent human beings can make recovery more difficult because those rape victims lose their sense that other decent people can be relied upon to act like decent people. This is magnified by every person who denies or minimizes rape under these circumstances or who focuses most of their criticism on the rape victim.”

So true. Right now, the only guys I trust not to rape me are my brother, and the three guys who have proven to me that they will stop if I ask them to. Who have proved that they won’t go on unless I also want to. Who have proven to me that they won’t do anything I don’t want them to do.

How hard can it be? If a drunk nineteen year old who just graduated from high school, who shared a bed with a drunk half-naked girl can stop at a non-verbal no… Seriously, then anyone can!

More Idiots…

On this queer community site I mentioned a couple of posts agpo I re-read their policy and it said that women who didn’t want men to write and who stated this on their presentaion could report all the men who wrote to them. So I tweaked my presentation and now the decent messeges I get outnumber the unwanted ones. And the unwanted ones from men I report^^ So I met a couple of nice girls there and even one guy I though was decent.

He’s not.

After a week or so of chatting about stuff he started more or less asking me to come over when he was horny. I asked him not to, cos I found it annoying and plain disrespectful. He replied that if I dind’t want any sexual suggestions then we’d better not talk cos that was the way he was.

“If that what it takes… I’m so tired of all the proposals I get,” I wrote back, then I went to sleep. This morning I had a reply in my inbox:
“Well, we men love womens’ bodies. But I’m starting to tire cos it’s hard to find a body with a heart in it.”

So basically he calls me heartless cos I don’t want to get any sexual proposals from him… Bloody idiot! What’s wrong with men!?! Someone please tell me there still exist decent men, and that all men who act decent don’t do so only in hopes of getting laid…

Coming Out

I’m not straight. I’ve actually known this for years, but since I’m also attracted to men it was easy to stay in denial. So I’ve been out to myself for about two years or so. I came out to my mum over the weekend.

Little brother calls to invite me to his 18th birthdayparty. Then he asks if I want to talk to my mum. I did… So we talk for a while and I wanted to tell her a bit about the idiots I found on this site. So I start by telling her that I joined a queer community.

Mum: Can non-queer people join too?
Me: Mum, I’m not straight.
(My brother said something in the background)
Mum (to my brother): Shh, I think your sister is coming out to me!

She then told me that I shouldn’t discriminate, I shouldn’t have sex with anyone! :D

Great Post!

READ!

I’m not interested in you!

Recently I joined this queer community site. I hardly know any queer people and the few I know pretty much consist of a bisexual girl who loved threesomes with her boyfriend and a gay guy who will happily talk about how confusing women are and how happy he is that he doesn’t need to deal with them. Not really a wide range of people for one thing, and not really the kind of people I tend to get along with either.

So I joined, fixed my presentation. I filled in a bunch of questions about sexual orientation and what I was looking for on the site. Since I’m bisexual and mainly just looking to talk to some queer people that’s what I filled in along with stuff like music taste (pretty much everything), clothing style(jeans/rave/street), what I do (study law), how open I am with my orientation (the closest to me know), stuff I like (clubbing, travel , watch movies etc) and a bunch of other typical community presentation questions.

The first night I spent online talking to people I lost count on the guys over thirty asking me for sex. Among the most memorable are a 59 year old dominant man asking me if I’d ever “completely surrendered to a man”. A 36 year old asking if I had a webcamera. A 20 year old submissive guy asking if I wanted a sexual slave, when told no thanks, he got really annoying and wouldn’t take no for an answer. The next day he asked me if I wanted to shave his butt. There was also this 34 year old who lives 600km away who offered to buy me a ticket so I could visit him.

There was this one guy who lived really close to me (five minutes away with the bus) who seemed nice. Then I started complaining about all the guys over thirty who asked for sex. “Sleep with me instead,” he said. Apparantly we would fit nicely together since we are both in love with our exs.

Of the countless offers for sex I got there was a total of one I thought about: A girl asked if I wanted to have a threesome with her and her almost-boyfriend. In the end I turned her down though, cos the guy was 29.

Oh, and all the guys (‘cept for one) who asked me for sex were listed as straight. I joined the site to talk to other queer people… If I want to be offered sex by straight guys I’ve never met before all I have to do is wear a short skirt to a night club. If I was looking for anonymous internet sex with straight guys I’d join an online community mainly for straight people.

GAH!

Edit: There was also this 37 year old MtF transexual person who accused me of transphobia cos I turned her down for sex -.- The reason I turned her down was party cos of her age, partly cos she lived across the country and partly cos I’m not that intrested in a one night stand at the moment. Got nothing to do with her gender.