Not a Good Day
17 November, 2007Last summer I was raped. I have been very good at blocking it out and blaming myself, but I’ve recently started dealing with it. I sent in a question to Scarleteen, and I got the answer yesterday. I started crying. There were several reasons for that. I still partially blame myself, I’m so pissed off at him. He has no idea what he put me through.
I panicked yesterday, I was crying so hard I couldn’t see where I was going and was nearly run over by a car. I really wanted to talk to someone but boyfriend was at work and at first I couldn’t think of anyone else to call.
I managed to control the crying to the point where I could actually see anything and went through my phone book. I have over a hundred contacts in there so there just had to be someone I could talk to.
There was.
I don’t know why I didn’t think of Mary before I stumbled upon her name in my phonebook. I know she couldn’t judge me or somehow think it was my fault. I just didn’t have much money left on my phone so I sent her a text and asked her to call me, which she did.
I’m so happy I could call her. She asked that if what happened to me had happened to someone else, would I think the victim was somehow to blame. Of course I wouldn’t. It still feels a bit like my fault, but I still partially blame myself. I feel like there was something I could’ve done.
Anyway, I’ll learn to deal with it. And I have my friends and my boyfriend to help me cope.
First, I’m glad you had someone to talk to.
Second, what you went through sounds awful. And the fact that you are dealing with it shows how much strength you have.
Third, *hugs*. Hang in there. You’ve got a lot of people (in real life and on the blogs) to support you.
Thank you! Just the fact that you’re not blaming me helps me get through it. The fact that you are also supportive means a lot to me!
You should report the guy to the police; I don’t think there is a statue of limitations on it. He should not really get away with doing that
I can’t report him since he is living in another country…. And besides it’s not worth it. He’d never get convicted. No one would believe me since he technically got a “yes” out of me… And I don’t ever want to see him again…
I know I’ve gone this route before, but not so specifically. Have you ever considered that what you have been going though in the aftermath of this rape might be Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? It is treatable through the right counselling, but it first has to be diagnosed. You do show some of its symptoms sometimes.
Hey, I know how you feel, like exactly how you feel. Went through the same thing last year and it was seriously awful. If I could see that bastard again, I would gorge his eyes out and burn his fucking penis and make sure he suffers a slow painful death. Haha. But then again, I do not want to see his retarded face ever again.
It’s weird reading something I could relate to in here, like everytime. :D
Take care.
Sexy-
I hate how rape by someone close to you is often seen as “less” of a rape than stranger-and-attack rapes when they are so much more traumatic for victims most of the time…. I guess reacting with rage rather than shame is a good sign though^^ Means you put the blame where it belongs!
Take care *hugs*
I know what you mean, whether or not the rapist is someone close to you or a stranger, it doesn’t mean the hurt is any less inflicted on the victims.
It’s good to see u having a healthy sex life with your boyfriend still. I do get flashes of that bastard on top of me at times when I’m with my boyfriend and I hate how it affects him too.
Time may heal all wounds but this kind of wound, I suppose it’d take more than time. We should chat some time! :D
*hugs back
I really feel for you.
I am sure being raped is a very traumatic thing.
I am glad that you did have someone you couldve confided in because holding things in does not help a situation.
Even thouhg you probably wont be fully healed, I hope you do not let that dark event, cloud ur bright future.