So Tired…

I have a slight problem keeping my eyes open. In the past 36-or-so hours I’ve slept a maximum of five. And those five were spend on a couch shorter than I am. I did prefer that though, cos the alternative would be to spend two hours or more on different bussed as well as about twenty minutes walking to get to boyfriend’s place… Me. Need. Sleep. NOW!

The movie night was  fun^^ I can’t really remember which movies we did see, but that doesn’t really matter xD We’d watch a movie, than talk for an hour or more before watching the next. So it was more of a “stay-up-all-night-and-talk” night than a movie night^^ Was fun none the less^^ I got to meet a bunch of  Lynette’s friends which was pretty fun^^

Today I bought myself a pair of vampire fangs as well^^ I’ve wanted a pair of those since I was fourteen or something and at my worst vampire-obsession stage. I still think vampires are cool, but I’m not obsessed^^ But the TV series Moonlight is pretty cool :D

Happy Things

I’ve got the whole week off school :D And I’ve got fun things planner as well ^^ I’m seeing friends, seeing my boyfriend and going clubbing!

Movie night at Bite Me’s place tonight^^ Lynette and a bunch of other people will be there :D Haven’t seen Lynette in aaages (since July) so I’m really looking forward to it^^ Bite Me just called and said that there will be so many people there so not everyone will be able to stay the night. I might be one of the people who has to leave… I hope not since that would mean I have to go to boyfriend’s place and that can take me up to two hours. That means I’ll hardly sleep tonight. But movie nights are fun^^

Even if I can stay the night I’ll see boyfriend on Tuesday. He’s got Wednesday and Thursday off^^ That means I’ll get to spend some extra time with him :D If I’d had school this week I would only have been able to see him Thursday and Friday night.. And also his parents will most likely be at work so… *grin*

Friday I’m going clubbing :D Been a long time since the last time and Daisy also invited me to a pre-party^^ My favourite club is back in business :D The club wont be having a Halloween themes party, but a bunch of people are getting dressed up anyway. I might be one of them ^^

Also I got this link from boyfriend. ME WANTS!!

“Will You Write About That?”

“Will you write about last night on your blog?” boyfriend asked me.
“I think so,” I answered. Then I though about it. “Last night” had consisted of a massage, lot’s of teasing, lot’s of oral sex, some tying up, some blindfolding and a couple of different sex-positions. I though about it some more and figured out I wouldn’t be able to describe anything really. All I could say would be something along the lines of “Oh. My. God… Once more?”

I Want to see Him!

When I was growing up I always wished for an older brother. All the main characters in my short stories would be an only child or have an older brother. I knew that I did have an older brother, I just haven’t met him. He’s my father’s son from before my parents met and eight-or-so years older than me.

Today I checked the site of his band and found out they’ve split up. There was however a link to his new band and a link to his MySpace profile. I saw a picture of his daughter and she is just adorable.

I really want to go visit him and his daughter some day, I just can’t pick up the courage to contact him. I have e-mailed him a couple of times, but I still have no idea what he thinks about me.

I did have some minor plans of taking a trip to the city he lives in and visit him or something, but I don’t really know how to contact him… He lives pretty far away, so it wouldn’t be something I could just do over a day.

Someday, hopefully not too far from now, I’m going to see him!

I’ve Been Thinking…

I’ve been thinking too much today. Mostly about if this was rape or not. And I can’t make up my mind. Had it happened to someone else I’d probably classified it as rape without a second though. Today I was surprised when someone asked me if I reported it.

I’m just happy I met these three guys who took my “no” seriously and treated me with respect. I’m even happier that boyfriend is part of my life. He helped me get over some things just by existing and by showing that not all guys are complete assholes.

Happiness

Sometimes I feel sad for no real reason. There might be a million small things, but nothing really big.  Right now I’m feeling pretty happy for all the things that aren’t going wrong. I’m lucky in so many ways.

My boyfriend is amazing! I can’t properly describe what I feel for him. He’s nice, smart, funny, cute, sexy, great in bed… The list of the good things with him just goes on and on and on. I don’t have to hide part of me when I’m with him. I don’t have to pretend to be something I’m not and he never tried to make me do something I don’t want to do. He means more to me than anyone else right now.

I’ve never been this much in love, I’ve never trusted anyone this much, I’ve never let anyone this close ever before.

My friends are great! The movie night this weekend was pretty fun^^ And there’s another one coming up the next week :D Also I’ll be seeing Lynette sometime next week :D She’ll be here most of that week to visit Bite Me and take the chance to meet up with her some as well^^

I’m running around being happy non-stop, but I need a reason to not be happy as opposed to needing a reason to not be sad. There has been a couple of things that pissed me off the past few days, but I went back to being happy pretty soon after getting mad ^^

Movie Night!

Yesterday was a movie night! Wiiee! Bite Me asked if I wanted to come a few days ago :D Also, Risika was going to come :D I haven’t seen her since July or something… She moved a couple of months ago. So it was really fun seeing her again^^

One of Bite Me’s friends really didn’t know how to shut up. She’d talk more or less non stop even through the movies. Hence Saw III wasn’t as scary as it could’ve been. It was still bloody and kinda gross, but it wasn’t really scary with this girl chatting about everything and nothing…

In the middle of Over the Hedge Bite Me’s brother, Dev (two links) came home. Risika left to borrow Bite Me’s computer and in the end of the movie Dev and boyfriend sat talking about games and other nerdy things as well as some pervy things and I was close to falling asleep.

We went to bed rather early though. And this girl kept on talking! In the end I got so frustrated I left and went to bed in Bite Me’s bed instead. The rest of them were sleeping on sofas in the cellar*. I was shortly followed by boyfriend who half-chastised me for leaving without him.

I slept pretty good when I’d gotten away from all the people talking and boyfriend was holding me. Thanks to a dream I was a pretty big tease in my sleep and very horny when I did wake up. I’ve now had sex in Bite Me’s shower twice and once in his bed…..

*Bite Me’s cellar is really nice. They have a home-cinema and a music room there..

I Miss Who You Could’ve Been

I found that picture on PostSecret and it could almost have been me who sent it….

My Boyfriend is Great in Bed

My boyfriend is great. Don’t believe me? Read this post.Boyfriend was doing something on the computer, something I don’t find very interesting, so I tried distracting him. Which worked ^^ Well, who wouldn’t be distracted if their girlfriend was more or less sticking her hands down the trousers as well as leaving trails of kisses from the lips to the edge of the pants?

A bit later when I’d successfully”stolen” his attention I tied his hands to the bed so he couldn’t get away. And went down on him. I love that I can make him gasp like he did last night, love that he really enjoys what I do, love how I can make him breathless.

Eventually he got lose and decided to tie me up. I can’t say I minded that, I like it when he is in control (as long as I can be in control sometimes too). So he tied me up and almost went down one me. I was really horny and him kissing, licking, biting like an inch away from where I wanted him only made me hornier. When he finally decided to eat me out… I can’t really describe the feeling.

Thing is, when he makes me come he won’t stop ’till I’m practically forcing him off me. This time I was tied down so I couldn’t get him to stop. I think that was one of the most intense couple of orgasms in a looong time. And when he did stop all I could do was try and catch my breath.

Before I’d completely managed to do that he moved up, so he was on top of me and pushed inside me. With every thrust it I felt like I was seconds away from coming, felt like I never wanted it to stop.

Right when I felt like I was starting to get sore, boyfriend came and close to collapsed on top of me. I’d managed to get him hands lose, so I hugged him close. Like I never wanted to let go and kissed him.

“I love you”

This is Crazy!

I found this website called The Truth For Youth. They have a couple of comics online about how things like rock music and abortion are wrong. To me, they were just a big joke. But it scares me that some people take some of that serious. Like how condoms would have “pores” in them that let STDs like HIV through. That it so not true!

Kids in USA need to be searching sites like this one for sex ed if they want facts. Not some six-page comic saying that condoms don’t work.

How Far is too Far?

I saw ONS last Friday. I had a couple of hours and nothing to do, so I called him. We’ve been talking about meeting up a couple of times before, but this was the first time I saw him since I left his apartment after having spent the night.

So I was kinda worried I’d still be sexually attracted to him. I really didn’t want to! I didn’t think I’d do something stupid if I was too see him, I wasn’t even worried I’d want to do something stupid!

We met up at the train station and then went back to his apartment for a “fika” consisting of tea and some cinnamon buns. We also half-watched a movie and talked some. The only physical contact was two hugs. One when I came and one when I left. So I needn’t have worried! :D

Later the same day, I asked boyfriend what would be counted as cheating.
“Why?” he asked. “You got something to tell?”
The last part mainly added as a joke.

Like can hugging someone be considered going too far? Boyfriend said it depended on what kind of hug and who I was hugging. It’s nearly always not cheating though. Snuggling on the other hand could be going too far. Again, depending on who I would be snuggling with.

So I’m still not sure what would be going too far, I just don’t think I’ll ever cheat on boyfriend. I’d feel uncomfortable and like I was doing something wrong way before it would be going too far.

Boyfriend’s Birthday

Boyfriend’s birthday was on Sunday. On Saturday we were at a party and got home shortly before midnight. Boyfriend said that technically it would be his birthday when the clock stuck midnight. So could he get his presents? At one minute past midnight on my birthday I opened the present he’d gotten me so I though that was ok and gave him his birthday gift. He liked it :D

Shortly after he’d opened the present he fell asleep. I didn’t fall asleep as fast since I was a bit drunk, a bit hyper and kinda horny. I did eventually fall asleep only to wake up shortly after that from a nightmare. The first among many that night.

The next morning his parents came into the room to give him their gift and wish him a happy birthday. I don’t remember much cos I was sooo tired and half asleep. I even managed to fall sleep after they’d left.

I woke up again, cuddled up next to boyfriend. I hugged him and wished him a happy birthday. The hug led to making out and other things. I don’t clearly remember it all since I was still pretty tired. I do remember being able to deepthroat boyfriend though! Pretty funny coincidence that it happened on his birthday xD

Later that day his family and neighbours came over. He got pretty presents that contained useful things he’ll need once he finds an apartment. There was food and lot’s of talking and people wishing him a happy birthday. My memories are slightly hazy due to lack of sleep.

When people started leaving he offered to give his best friend a ride home. She just moved into her apartment and he wanted to see it. I also tagged along and she gave me a chocolate ball and a energy drink. So when we arrived at her apartment I was less like a zombie and more like a human.

Her apartment was messy and the interior decorations weren’t completely finished yet. It was still nice though ^^ She asked boyfriend to fix something with her router, but he wasn’t able to fix it.

When we got back to his place we watched some TV and then went to sleep. I didn’t really want to sleep right then, but I was hardly able to keep my eyes open. I asked boyfriend if he’d had a nice birthday.
“Yeah,” he said. “But it could’ve been better.”
“How?” I asked.
“If I’d spent all day in bed with you,” he said and hugged me.

Boyfriend is a TEASE!

Let’s say you’re a straight guy and woke up with your girlfriend cuddled up close. Later, when both of you were a bit more awake, she was being a major tease, kissing, touching, caressing you all over. Including a couple of mini-blowjobs. Then you got “revenge”, teasing her, kissing her, biting her just the way she likes it. Going down on her for like twenty seconds. Pinning her down on the bed and kissing her. So both of you would be very horny.
Would you leave her, wearing next to nothing and very horny, alone in bed to go and clean your house?

Cuddle and Sadness

That ^ is what I want right now… Just a cuddle or a hug, preferably cuddling with boyfriend. I really miss him right now…

I also figured out a couple of reasons why I’m feeling sad today. I’ve been thinking too much about a certain thing that happened last summer. I just can’t stop thinking about it, regretting it, feeling ashamed about it. Truth is, it wasn’t all his fault. It’s partially my fault. It doesn’t make him less of an asshole, but it makes it impossible for me to completely blame him. He didn’t respect me saying no or my boundaries and because of that I don’t ever want to talk to him again. I just wouldn’t go as far as calling it rape. Well, maybe the oral sex since I really didn’t want to. That’s what I regret the most and what felt the most disrespectful.

Another reason is that some of my friends have stopped asking me when stuff like movie nights come up. Even if I’ve said I’m not doing anything the upcoming weekend and they have it planned I often won’t find out about it ’till the Monday after when I ask what they did over the weekend. Yes, I do have a boyfriend. Yes, I love spending time with him and want to see him as often as I can. But I do love spending time with my friends too and as it looks now I see them faaar to seldom.

I miss Vicky. I wish she’d call me sometime, cos I’ve given up calling her. She was one of the people who helped me survive my depression even if she doesn’t know that… It hurts having next to no contact with her. I can’t even remember the last time I called her, but she was playing WOW and apparently the game was more important than me… :(

Or it could all just be PMS.

Why!?

Bleh… That’s about how I feel right now. Despite looking forward to the weekend, I don’t feel that happy right now. I don’t know why since nothing is wrong! I’ve got tomorrow off, and I’m most likely going clubbing tomorrow. It’s been ages since the last time, so I’m really looking forward to to it. And still it feels like something is wrong…

At least I’m not really crying.

What the fuck is wrong with me? This weekend will probably rock, school is going great, my mum is awesome, no one has been really mean to me for a long time, I’m seeing some of my friends daily… And that’s all the things I’m usually sad about.

I’m scared my old depression will come back… My life was living hell for a while in my early teens. I don’t ever want to feel that sad for such a long time ever again! The only thing I learnt from that is the right way to injure yourself without anyone noticing.

‘Nuff of this emo-shit >.<