Gynaecologist

I went to see a gynaecologist today. First he asked me a couple of questions. Like what were my symptoms? (some irritation when peeing and pain in the lower back where it hurts during my period, my grandmother said it could be something with the ovaries), had I ever been pregnant? (no!), what had I been tested for so? far (UTI and chlamydia, both negative), was I on the Pill (nope, side effects didn’t agree with me), didn’t I use any contraceptive!?! (ehm, what?), oh, do you use condoms? (yeah…).

What’s with the assumed heterosexuality? And why assume that all women in fertile age who don’t want to be pregnant will be on the Pill? I was thisclose to saying that I only sleep with women actually xD

He didn’t find anything that explained my symptoms, but he found what it is that’s causing my irregular period. He looked at my ovaries and saw a lot of something that I don’t know the English word for (”äggblåsor”) and said it looked a bit like PCO, but not enough to give a diagnosis. But I might have trouble conceiving when/if I want kids.

Fuck

I told Tony that until he can act like a friend he should’t bother contacting me. I can’t even remeber the last time he called me just cos it was a long time since the last time we met… I can’t remember the last time I met him when it wasn’t us happening to be at the same fuking nightclub.

I know he’s  had a rough time (heck, I’ve gone over to his place in the middle of the fucking night a couple of times) but I need to take care of myself too. I can’t just be there for him when he needs me if he’s never gonna be there for me when I need him. And right now I need to talk to someone, and I tied calling him. He didn’t pick up. So I called Pixie and aparantly I’m being ditched for World of fucking Warcraft. And I’m not doing that again.

You’re not funny, asshole!

“Women have 80% of the mens’ wages. Isn’t that enough? Do you want 100% plus your own wage?”

I was scrolling down facebooks main page when I stumbled upon this status message (or “what’s on your mind” as it says -.-) from a guy from school. Not funny.

*sigh*

Bike!

I went to pick up my new bike today :D :D :D I had to bike home from the shop and it took me about an hour and a half xD Oh, my legs are gonna hurt tomorrow xD

I love my new bike :D It’s white and green and very nice <3

I love my mum and aunt! :D

Cuddling and Movies

Yesterday Smile texted me. He had a couple of hours to kill and wanted some company. Being the nice person I am, I got out of bed and got on the train to meet him. I haven’t seen him in like forever! We wandered around a bit looking for a place that sold decent coffee, ended up getting too cold to stay outside so we went back to my place, watched Sweney Todd and cuddled :) Nice way to start the day actually^^

When he left I didn’t do much.. Texted a bit with Emo Boy. We had made plans for Friday, but we didn’t go through with them for various reasons so he asked if I wanted to meet up later maybe. Sure, I said and asked him when. He wanted to watch the football* game but maybe after?

After the game (which Sweden lost) we were both too tired to really do anything special, so it ended up with him coming to my place to watch a movie and some cuddling ^^ Nice way to end the day :)

*Soccer

Crystal Caves <3

Crystal Caves is a game we used to play a lot when I was a kid. You start on a main level, and from there you go through doors to a lot of different levels… You can chose the order yourself :) When I was a kid we’d take turns completing the levels. And since pretty much all of us had different favourite levels everyone got to play their favourite too^^ It was a lot of fun :D

A while ago I found a free download of the game on the internet and downloaded it. Sadly I had to fix some kinda DOS-programme-thingy to make it work on my computer. I couldn’t figure out how it workes, but yesterday (ex)boyfriend fixed it for me :D

I’ve been on a nostalgia trip ever since xD

Soon Summervacation

I’m having my last final on Friday!

Night

I love being up at night. Sometimes I like partying all night with fun people, sometimes I just want to watch some TV-series from episode one to the season finale. Sometimes I’m up all night finishing an essay due in the next day. Even that can be fun with the right people online on msn.

I can count the times I’ve been up early enough to see the sunrise on my fingers. Most of those times was in the winter when the sun rises around 8-9AM. I’ve long ago lost count of the times I was up late enough to see the sun rise. Even in winter time.

I’ve never really been scared of the dark.

I love walking around in the city at night. Alone or with the right company doesn’t matter. I feel free walking around at night. Just as I never really was scared of the dark I’ve never really been scared of the stereotypical rapist jumping out from behind a dark corner to abduct me. It just didn’t occur to me that I should be.

I love the night.

Safe

For some reason I’ve always felt safe with Kit, like I can tell him pretty much anything and he won’t get hurt or judge me.  With most people I censor myself somewhat, even with (ex)boyfriend.* It feels nice to be able to say whatever comes to mind without worrying about how someone will take it.

*Who still needs a proper name ><

Names

(ex)boyfriend needs a name here. Specially now since we’re more like friends than ex’s. I just can’t figure out something good :( Any advice?

Talking

Last night I met Emo Boy* again. I met him while working (kinda) on Wednesday night and we’ve been texting bit since then. I met him and a couple of his friends at this bar on Sutreplan.** After we’d been there for a while we went to this other club where we lost his friends so we more or less walked around Stockholm and just talked. It was kinda nice :)

We are similar in some areas and total opposites in others. He talked about a lot of stuff.. Everything from past relationships to school to future plans to sexual orientations. (I try to be as out as I can) He’s straight though :P In the end he followed me home and it turns out that I live in the same house as his grandmother used to live in ’till she got to old for the staircase (!!!!) I had a lot of fun with that. My roomie knows his grandmother and says she’s a nice lady ^^

I told Emo Boy that I’d been raped and he reacted in exactly the right way. That was really nice :) I’m too used to people either acting like “just get over it already” or like what happened has ruined me for life. He told me about a friend of his who’d taked her rapist to court and won.

This is going in the “Friends”-category cos I think I’ve made a new friend :)

*If he ever reads this he’ll hate me for his alias here xD
**A part of Stockholm where there are very many bars and clubs.

Crashing

Sometimes I feel like my life is like a house built out of a deck of cars. Like it can come crashing down around me for next to nothing. Last night I almost panicked and called (ex)boyfriend. He promised he’d come and give me a hug after he left work today.

Not Pregnant :D

I’m not pregnant!! :D (Got my period this morning)

Failure

About the last post. The condom broke and I freaked out a bit. Much calmer now. I manged to get EC and it says that if taken within 12 hours only one out of 200 will end up pregnant. I like those odds. Bedsides, he didn’t come, so that adds some extra pregnancy protection. Other than that I’m no where near ovulating.

He freaked out more than I did though xD

wedsvcfbfgghjk

rrtfyguh…………. FUCK!!!!